A General Theory of Love
by Thomas;Amini, Fari;Lannon, Richard Lewis
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Book Summary Information
Author: Thomas;Amini, Fari;Lannon, Richard LewisEdition: Paperback
Audio: English (Unknown); English (Original Language); English (Published)
Published: 2001-01-09
ISBN: 0375709223
Number of pages: 288
Publisher: Vintage
Book Reviews of A General Theory of Love
Book Review: Very interesting, very literate
Summary: 5 Stars
I found this book very interesting, and would certainly recommend it. However I would also recommend that you take it not so much as fact as some interesting ideas and some background supporting them.
First, a few words about how this book is written. You won't get more than a few pages without noticing that in addition to caring about their subject, the authors care very much about the way they say it. In a thousand places in this book, where another author might have made a straightforward statement, these authors used a colorful metaphor or a quote from literature to make their point with more style. For example, toward the end of the book they make the point that these days many Americans, somewhat starved for limbic connection, are investing heavily in their jobs only to discover later that it was all business as far as the corporation was concerned. These people will, the authors say, "reap a harvest of dust." The book is chock full of such stylistic choices.
You might really like that kind of writing. I have to admit that I do. But if you find it a drag, or if English isn't your first language and every metaphor or literary reference leaves you confused, then this may not be the book for you.
OK, on to the content. This book talks about the limbic system and how a young mammal needs consistent close contact with primary caregivers, particularly its mother, in order for its brain to develop correctly. Some of this you've probably heard before: kids raised in isolation often die, monkeys separated from their mothers grow up with severe social problems (isolation syndrome). Apparently a number of internal processes are in some sense "calibrated" by contact with and feedback from primary caregivers. The authors talk about some of this and about memory structures in the brain and their role in emotions.
The overwhelming point of the book is that attachment and limbic connection in those formative years are extremely important, and modern (particularly American) society has done much to undermine it. They make quite a point of asking why we do not let our children sleep with us, for example, and point out other ways in which we give our children's limbic systems short shrift.
They also give us their take on the consequences, which include the resulting adults not being competent in relationships, being prone to anxiety, depression, and drug abuse, being superficial and narcissistic, being attached to objects incapable of reciprocating, and so on. The authors also argue that ignoring the limbic system is the grave error of western medicine, and that alternative medicine is an attempt to fix that error. Other problems in society are traced back to the same root cause.
While there are parts of the argument that are a bit vague, and it seems likely to me that some of these problems have multiple causes, it's mostly pretty compelling in the case it presents that we are not paying enough attention to the attachment needs of children and that lots of bad things result, at least in part, from that. If nothing else, I'd love to see future parents of young children read this book and think hard about whether they want to shuffle kids off to another room to sleep. Along the way you're also liable to reflect on your own childhood and your own relationships in light of what you're reading, and that will be a good thing as well.
One thing I found mildly disappointing was the authors' obvious disdain for evolutionary psychology. In the end notes they even throw out some quotes from Steven Pinker about the uselessness of art, which they apparently found quite offensive. Of course Pinker was talking about the uselessness of art toward reproductive success, and I'm guessing that the authors, who obviously greatly appreciate the arts, didn't fully get that. Evolutionary psychology has been an enormous boon to our understanding of human nature, and the fact that the authors don't seem to be on board makes me wonder whether they are "old school," like the older biologists who resisted the transformation that DNA analysis brought to biology.
But overall, the book was a great read, unusual in its rich literary style, and will lead to personal insights for many. An excellent work.
Summary of A General Theory of Love
Drawing comparisons to the most eloquent science writing of our day, three eminent psychiatrists tackle the difficult task of reconciling what artists and thinkers have known for thousands of years about the human heart with what has only recently been learned about the primitive functions of the human brain. The result is an original, lucid, at times moving account of the complexities of love and its essential role in human well-being.A General Theory of Love draws on the latest scientific research to demonstrate that our nervous systems are not self-contained: from earliest childhood, our brains actually link with those of the people close to us, in a silent rhythm that alters the very structure of our brains, establishes life-long emotional patterns, and makes us, in large part, who we are. Explaining how relationships function, how parents shape their child?s developing self, how psychotherapy really works, and how our society dangerously flouts essential emotional laws, this is a work of rare passion and eloquence that will forever change the way you think about human intimacy.
Poor, poor science--it gets blamed for everything. While it might be true that some of our alienation and unhappiness stem from a too-rational misunderstanding of emotion, it's also true that science is its own remedy. A General Theory of Love, by San Francisco psychiatrists Thomas Lewis, Fari Amini, and Richard Lannon, is a powerfully humanistic look at the natural history of our deepest feelings, and why a simple hug is often more important than a portfolio full of stock options. Their grasp of neural science is topnotch, but the book is more about humans as social animals and how we relate to others--for once, the brain plays second fiddle to the heart.
Though some of their social analysis is less than fully thought out--surely e-mail isn't a truly unique form of communication, as they suggest--the work as a whole is strong and merits attention. Science, it turns out, does have much to say about our messy feelings and relationships. While much of it could be filed under "common sense," it's nice to know that common sense is replicable. Hard-science types will probably be exasperated with the constant shifts between data and appeals to emotional truths, but the rest of us will see in A General Theory of Love a new synthesis of research and poetry. --Rob Lightner
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