A General Theory of Love
by Thomas;Amini, Fari;Lannon, Richard Lewis
|
List Price: Our Price: $7.29 You Save: $8.71 (54%) Availability: Usually ships in 1-2 business days Buy Used: from $2.00 (click here) Category: Book See more book details and other editions |
|---|
Book Reviews of A General Theory of Love
Book Review: We need more books on this subject
Summary: 4 Stars
I think that this book should be read not only by parents, but also by all the professionals who work with hurt or sick people and in particular by doctors and therapists.
The book is very well written combining science and poetic expression. I think this is the field that deserves so much more research, training and general awareness. We deal with consequences of "poor loving" all the time not only in our professional life (I am a doctor) but in our relationships, friendships, on our roads, service industry, our streets, schools.
This book also uses science and anthropology rather than just an opinion and experience to explain human emotional reactions and experience of love in it's universal form rather than just romantic and to remind us of consequences related to ignoring this essential part of our human existence.
It is an excellent book, but I would agree that not enough was done to develop the idea of self-regulation and treatment options outside the role of therapy. I expected this to be developed in the chapter "Between stone and sky, what can be done to heal hearts gone astray", but it did not live up to that expectation and if the authors were to write another edition to this book this would be the chapter to add to and really develop.
I also have bought extra copies as gifts for a few of my friends who work as therapists.
I would also like to add that there are so many boring books out there in the popular psychology addressing this important subject, but done so poorly and with no depth whatsoever. I am glad that someone from the scientific community bothered to actually write a book of this standard on this important subject and hope that there are more such books in the future ( the authors are encouraged to write and publish more in the future).
Book Review: This therapist's bible
Summary: 5 Stars
This book describes, in easy to read scientific language, the heart of what goes on in psychotherapy. Therapists working from contemporary, "relational" theoretical orientations concern themselves with the client's transference and the therapist's countertransference. The authors demystify the subject of 'transference', and put it in relational, not Freudian terms: the client's unconscious interacting with the therapist's unconscious, the client's limbic system connecting to the therapist's limbic system.
The authors begin by explaining that infants are born with their limbic systems "open" and unregulated, and they need their mother's closeness to get regulated. As in most interpersonal and relational psychoanalytic theory and research, this relationship is shown to be a two-way thing: the mother also needs the limbic connection with her baby, in order to be emotionally regulated. We need a limbic connection with another, to be successfully regulated.
The authors then describe 'attractors', patterns that are imprinted on the limbic system, through childhood limbic connections. Whatever the limbic connecting pattern is, it tends to get repeated throughout life, and especially shows up in our intimate relationships. This explains how and why we choose partners that match our parents in some limbic way and that may or may not be good for us. Because the human brain and nervous system is capable of laying down new patterns, psychotherapy can help change those limbic patterns through affective attunement and regulation so that we are better able to sustain positive relationships.
This book is a breakthrough in explaining the science of emotions, relationships and the value of psychotherapy. Read it now.
Book Review: Love Is Irreducible
Summary: 5 Stars
The eloquence and clarity with which Lewis, Amini, & Lannon present their general theory of love is almost as impressive as their dexterity in reducing something as elusive as love into a readable 230 pages. The authors initiate their discussion by describing the evolution of the human brain and the "brains" that comprise it: the reptilian brain, the limbic brain, and the neocortical brain, wherein the first is the most archaic of the three brains and is responsible for our vital, non-voluntary functions, the second allows for subtle and elaborate interactions with others, and the third orchestrates our conscience existence and the activities therein. The authors then dovetail into a discussion about memory and reason --- necessary precursors to a respectable discussion of love and its implications in our personal lives. The crux of the book -- and most engaging section, no less -- is ushered in with the declaration, "Who we are and who we become depends, in part, on whom we love" (pp.144). The authors note, however, that the aforementioned love distinctly differs from being 'in love', that is, the "potent feeling that the other fits in a way that no one has before or will again, [along with] an irresistible desire for skin-to-skin proximity, [as well as] a delirious urge to disregard all else" (pp.206). True love, however, "derives from intimacy, the prolonged and detailed surveillance of a foreign soul" (pp.207). Most importantly, however, the authors pointedly declare that "love cannot be extracted, commanded, demanded, or wheedled. It can only be given" (pp.209) -- a revelation that (rightly) punctuates "A General Theory of Love".
Book Review: Eloquent, Important, Brave
Summary: 5 Stars
I am not a scholar, doctor, or 'evolutionary biologist' like some of these other reviewers but I am a person dealing with anxiety and depression for over 15 years. I thought this book was extremely well written, even poetic, but certainly not 'precious'. The reviewers who have a problem with this book don't seem to get it -- they are once again trying to intellectualize something that they should be trying instead to open their hearts to. If you think that's precious, that's seriously your problem. God forbid people, especially 'doctors' talk about love...which again, is the point -- not many talk (or teach) about it. This book is trying to tell you something -- just listen!! Gloria Steinem said "the only long term solution to humanity's problems is to change the way we raise our children." Yes! That's it. That's all you have to get...you don't have to be pretentious, argue, or resist. Simply realize that our children need authentic love to realize their potential. It's not blaming single, working mothers and to think so is being short-sighted. And as far as feeling hopeless about having anxiety, depression, or whatever -- you know what? ...it is difficult. Medication can help. Therapy can help. But it's a disorder that one has to cope with it and understanding the reality of it is important....and if you don't have it (lucky you) or don't work as a therapist, or are not capable of empathizing than you can't possibly understand. It sucks, I don't want it, but I deal. And I know how very important it is to love your children, really love them and let them know it everyday. Thank you for writing this book.Book Review: Biology is destiny. An interesting look at relationships and why we are always screwing them up.
Summary: 5 Stars
I found this book fascinating enough to read twice, because it shows how our psychology and biology determine who we choose to have a relationships with. Wonder why your relationships always seem to turn out the same way or why you seem to always date the same person over and over again? The answer is in this book.
Two concepts from the book that hit home with me were that we are always attracted to the person whose key fits our lock. Put us in a room with 500 people and we will find the one whose dysfunction matches our need. The second concept is that our needs are formed by the combination of both our biology...human nature, and our environment, the lessons and examples we learned from our parents. We all have holes, or gaps as Rocky would say, and we need someone else to fill these holes. The sad thing is that sometimes these holes we need filled require a dysfunctional and destructive relationship. Our subconscious tells us this is normal.
If you've been involved in one bad or unsatisfying relationship after another this book will help you understand why. That in itself is comforting. The unfortunate part is that our biology and upbringing tends to doom us into these patterns as they are hardwired into our brains. We sometimes need that dysfunctional person and relationship in our lives to feel whole.
Everyone should read this book. We all want healthy and fulfilling relationships but most of us look for them armed with the wrong information and a misunderstanding of how to achieve one. I highly recommend this book.