Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today's Parents
by Deborah D. Gray
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Book Summary Information
Author: Deborah D. GrayEdition: Hardcover
Audio: English (Unknown); English (Original Language); English (Published)
Published: 2002-05
ISBN: 0944934293
Number of pages: 392
Publisher: Perspectives Press (IN)
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Book Reviews of Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today's Parents
Book Review: Not an easy read, but very important
Summary: 4 Stars
I've read many books on attachment and psychological trauma in young children to prepare for adopting our daughter from an orphanage in Eastern Europe. Some sources tended to downplay the potential harm children face when they encounter early physical and/or emotional deprivations. Others just scared me to death and made me feel there was no hope for our child to ever have an emotionally healthy life. Lots of books explained how the attachment cycle works in a developing baby, why it is so important, and what happens when that cycle is broken by parental abandonment, abuse, or neglect. This book not only did that, it also gave real world examples of what a child acting out her issues might look like and more importantly it gave recommendations on what to do about them.
Deborah Gray, a clinical social worker specializing in trauma, grief, and attachment, does a good job of telling adoptive parents what they might encounter and what causes behavioral and psychological issues sometimes found in children adopted from difficult backgrounds. She covers both foster care and post-institutional cases in her real-life examples. While she is realistic about possible problems, she also provides concrete suggestions and strategies for dealing with and getting help for difficulties children might face. All the information can get overwhelming, so take a deep breath and don't try to read it all at once.
Her chapter on "Other Complications in Attachment" (ADHD, FAE/FAS, learning disabilities, mood disorders, autism, and Asperger's sydrome) dealt with helping an adopted child who has additional factors that might make attachment more difficult. That was something I've not seen in other adoption books. I also like how she stressed the importance of meeting your child at his developmental age, not his chronological age, and ways to do that. And since we already have children by birth, I really appreciated Gray's insight into making sure the children already in your home don't feel pushed to the side while everyone focuses on the needs of the newly adopted sibling.
Gray writes with understanding and gentleness. Even though there is a LOT of information in this book and it needs to be digested slowly, Gray never makes the reader feel hopeless. One small complaint: I did notice an unusual number of typos in the book, so if there are future editions I hope the editing will be better.
One final thought--If you were pregnant you'd panic if you read about every possible pregnancy and childbirth related danger out there. And chances are, you won't face most of the things you worried about. The same is true for adoptive parents. It's very important to prepare yourself and be educated. But also know that children with difficult backgrounds can and do rebound with the love and support of engaged, informed parents who will do what is necessary to help them overcome their challenging beginnings.
Summary of Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today's Parents
Proper attachment is the most fundamental issue in a successful adoption, but what exactly does the term mean? Attaching in Adoption answers that question thoroughly, and it provides solutions to a variety of specific attachment problems.Along with technical explanations of challenges such as self-esteem, childhood grief, and limit-testing, the book includes a tremendous number of personal vignettes illustrating attachment-related situations. Parents who are convinced that only their child has ever behaved a certain way are sure to take comfort in these stories; not only do they include kids from all backgrounds and age groups, but each has an ultimately happy ending. The emotional health of the whole family is also paramount according to the book--with plenty of rest and "alone time," caregivers are more likely to be emotionally available when they are most needed.
Because Attaching in Adoption focuses on special needs, families who are coming together through foster programs, at later ages, or across cultural lines will find it especially helpful. Both psychologically detailed and straightforwardly helpful, it can be of equal benefit to counselors and parents alike. --Jill Lightner
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