For Men Only: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women
by Jeff Feldhahn, Shaunti Feldhahn
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Book Summary Information
Author: Jeff Feldhahn, Shaunti FeldhahnBrand: Random House
Edition: Hardcover
Audio: English (Unknown); English (Original Language); English (Published)
Published: 2006-04-03
ISBN: 1590525728
Number of pages: 192
Publisher: Multnomah Books
Product features:
- ISBN13: 9781590525722
- Condition: New
- Notes: BRAND NEW FROM PUBLISHER! 100% Satisfaction Guarantee. Tracking provided on most orders. Buy with Confidence! Millions of books sold!
Book Reviews of For Men Only: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women
Book Review: Good...but not "the Bible"
Summary: 4 Stars
Being a man, I am always willing to learn more about female psychology. The problem with the books about this topic is: they are few (women are more interested in reading books about male psychology than the other way around) and they contradict each other. This book adds to the confusion giving some advice which flies in the face of other books I have read.
This is a book for committed relationships. And it has a Christian orientation. I don't have any problem with that. Although I am not a Christian, I am religious and Christian references don't bother me. If you happen to be offended by references about God and the Gospels, please stay away from this book.
THE GOOD:
Firstly, the book is very useful in explaining the reason about some women's behaviors which challenge men's understanding. The book is filled with truths: from the very obvious ones ("Women have lower sex drives than men in average", "Women like to solve problems by talking about them") to the not-so-obvious ones ("Women can't disconnect from a problem as easily as men do").
Secondly, the book gives some useful advice to work with the problems explained.
Thirdly, the book is well written, easily read and the authors have included a quick start guide which is useful and convenient to review the main points.
Fourthly, the book relies on a statistical survey. This fact distinguishes from other books which are based on anechdotal evidence or misinterpretations of scientific studies.
Fifthly, this book treats both sexes with respect and this is not usual in this kind of studies (see, for example, my review about "the female brain")
So why do I give it only four stars? Because I think the book has some flaws.
THE NOT-SO-GOOD:
1) The authors have selected some six findings about the inner lives of women and they have submitted these findings to a survey. Good enough but I wonder if these findings are the most important or relevant. Is it not possible to find more than six findings about female psychology? Why these ones and not other ones?
2) In my humble opinion, the authors are too confident about the survey. They claim a statement and then they give the survey as the definitive proof. But I am wary about surveys who ask people about their feelings and thought processes. For these "introspection" surveys to be accurate, the following statements should be true:
a) People know what they want.
b) People say what they think.
Obviously, when people are asked about their most intimate details of their lives, you can't be sure of anyone of these statement.
About a), people are not always rational (they have a rational brain and an emotional brain). When asked about the motives of actions motivated by irrational feelings, they are prone to rationalize their actions. For example, women (like men) may be rational about their feelings or they may not. I could cite my sister, who every time she has a PMS is compelled to fight with anybody who interacts with her. If she is asked about the motives of these fights, she rationalizes by blaming the other person. Another example can be found in item 3) below.
About b), people are prone to hide a thought if this is not approved socially. For example, in page 78 we read, "Shaunt turned to the women in the audience and asked: 'If you had to choose, would you rather endure financial struggles or a lack of closeness in your relationship?'. Nearly every female hand went up for the 'I'd rather endure financial struggles'".
Based on this and a similar result in the survey, the authors conclude that emotional security is more important than financial security. Obviously, the authors have not considered that, with this question, they were asking "Do you value more money or love?" or, in other words, "Are you materialistic?" in disguise. What human being would answer affirmatively to this question IN FRONT OF AN AUDIENCE?
Even more, a thing is to say "I would endure financial struggles" and other different is to really endure them. Everybody can say "I would endure financial struggles for love" but the proof of truth comes when you are having financial problems, your children are suffering and you see no future. Everybody can pretend to be a selfless individual and to behave with no interest and only based on the highest principles. But, as they say in my country, "When hunger enters through the door, love leaves through the window".
A better experiment would have been trying to survey a statistically significant group of men to determine their financial status, their emotional openness and their married state. Then a really simple statistical analysis could have been done to determine if financially secure men are more likely to be married than emotionally open men (these would be only two regressions). This would have been a survey about facts and not about words (which are dozen-a-dime).
3) The last problem I find with this book is that it recommends men to be always catering to women's feelings. Even if the woman is pushing away the husband, he must be telling her "I love you". The authors make a good job explaining why this works and I think it works IN THE SHORT TERM. But, ultimately, women don't want to be with a pushover, with a spineless man. They lose respect if you are easily manipulated by their mood swings. If you do everything that is adviced in this book you will improve your marriage in the short term. But I think it would be awful in the long term. Your wife would lose respect for you, would start to be "bored" and you know all these good men and husband who are being divorced by their wives because they are bored.
I don't have the answers for that but I think it is better to draw some fair principles at the beginning of the relatioship and not to compromise about these principles because a woman happens to be in a bad mood. When the crisis is over, a woman can understand and admire a man who has done what he thinks it is fair instead of placating his wife by submitting to her mood.
THE SUMMARY:
So take the advice in this book with a grain of salt. In my opinion, this is a good book but not the Bible about female psychology.
In summary, a good book. In a world filled with books about female psychology, it would receive three stars. But, being the sources of information about this topic so scarce, it is a must-read for those of us who really want to understand women and make them happy.
Summary of For Men Only: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women
Finally?You Can Understand Her!Women: complicated and impossible to understand? Do you love and want to please the woman in your life, but just can?t seem to figure her out? That was before For Men Only. Now at your fingertips is the tool that will unlock the secret to her mysterious ways. Through hundreds of interviews and the results of a scientific national survey of women, this book demonstrates that women are actually not random and that they really can be systematized and ?mapped.? In fact, much to men?s delight, this book shows that women are actually quite easy to understand and please?as long as you know what it is they need. This simple map will guide you to loving your wife or girlfriend in the way she needs to be loved.
The bestselling author of For Women Only teams with her husband to offer men the key to unlocking the mysterious ways of women. Through Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn ?s national scientific survey and hundreds of interviews, For Men Only reveals what you can do today to improve your relationship. And believe it or not, as Jeff assures men, ?It?s not splitting the atom.?
And for every guy who rarely reads a manual:
Quick-Start Guide Included!
?When we featured Shaunti?s book For Women Only on FamilyLife Today, the phone rang off the hook! When Shaunti and Jeff come back on our broadcast, I?m buying some more phones. This is fresh and relevant?good stuff for every marriage. Read it!?
Dennis Rainey
President, FamilyLife
Story Behind the Book
?As I was writing For Women Only to help women understand the inner lives of men, over and over I heard that men wished there was a way to understand their wives, but they felt it was probably impossible. I heard from them, ?You are writing this little slim volume about men, but if it was about understanding women, it would have to be the size of an encyclopedia! Women are random and complicated!? These men were surprised and encouraged when I assured them that women are neither random nor complicated, and we can be understood. Men just want to love their wives well, and For Men Only will help them do that.?
?Shaunti Feldhahn
Christian Living Books
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