Fresh Disasters (Stone Barrington)
by Stuart Woods
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Book Reviews of Fresh Disasters (Stone Barrington)
Book Review: Really, really bad
Summary: 1 Stars
You might consider some of my complaints as SPOILERS.
This was my first Stuart Woods book and it will be my last.
I knew I was in trouble when Stuart Woods called Stone Barrington's secretary a "pretty June Allyson look-alike". This timely reference left me anticipating raccoon coats, Stutz-Bearcats and some jitterbug dancing. Could it be possible that Grandpa Simpson had written a book?
The many, many, many sexual passages are straight out of Porky's: the hero (really should have been named Boner Barrington) has great pick-up lines - he tells a woman doctor to meet him for dinner wearing a push-up bra, or better yet, no bra at all; after his "girlfriend" is be-headed by an incredibly unbelievable villain, he immediately goes home to spend the night with another woman; when a female detective is anally raped by the same bad guy, Stone's NYPD friend tells him that "she's taking it like a champ".
There are so many dangling and conflicting plotlines that I was often confused - - - the Assistant DA discusses a murder, then a few pages later finds out about it all over again. Stone's assistant leaves town but is still at his office. Barrington hires someone to beat up a bad guy, but it is never mentioned again. There are a few references to Stone's mob-connected (former) father-in-law being brought in to help out, but nothing ever happens with this plotline either.
I did find one thing interesting. The author ends the book by telling readers that he is basically too busy to read their mail and that if they have problems with the book not to bother telling him, because he has probably already heard about it from other people.
Book Review: DOH!
Summary: 1 Stars
As with many 'serial authors', the more they crank out, the worse they get. I just listened to the audio version of this one, and gratefully arrived at my destination with about 1/2 the book left...it went directly back to the lending library unfinished.
CORNY is the most descriptive, clean, one-word review I can give to this POS book.
This is the guy who thinks Barrington should have married Arrington, making her......I can't bring myself to write it down. Beyond corny. Stone, another corny name from the 50's (Tab, Rock, etc). Suits the guy, tho. Corny how he has a special table at a special restaurant, gets laid with beautiful strangers he meets in every other chapter, cop buddy who had no qualms about breaking the law to help him, a loyal, ever-efficient long-suffering personal assistant named Joan...Stone and Joan, get it?
Maybe he should develop a black lead character so he can use all 99 ways to spell Antoine.
Stone and his high ranking cop buddy just can't wait to vomit out police/private/priveleged information to a total stranger (beautiful female) who sat down at the table next to them. And they keep this sort of thing up...dumb and dumber.
The first Woods book I read, years ago, was something that started with a guy waking up at home in New Mexico...I loved that book, and have read his books for years since...some good, some really good, and some bad.
This will be the last one I ever pick up with his name on it.
And BTW, Stuart, you rich doofus, I hope you read this.
Book Review: Like watching a train wreck
Summary: 2 Stars
Stone Barrington novels trigger the train-wreck reaction in me. I can't tear my eyes (or in this case, ears, from the audio CD) away even though I am seeing something horrible. As with previous books, there is no shortage of beautiful women throwing themselves at Stone, but making sure he knows they just want recreational sex-no commitment. If Stone were real, he would probably have been disbarred by now because he practices law primarily after hours of vigorous sex, when his mind is not really on his work. Of course, that may be the least of his problems as he continues to exist solely on steaks, eggs, bacon, and bourbon. The plot was, as usual, thin. However, the narrator of the audio version does manage to keep you attention, particularly on long drives. I listen to Woods' books for sheer mindlessness, but must say that he crossed the line in this one by making very light of an episode of rape. Female law enforcement officers everywhere would be outraged by his portrayal of how they approach an undercover job (the detective first wonders whether she will **** the target, and then when he sodomizes her, she essentially says that she just took one for the team). And really Mr. Woods, do you think any real police officer asks another "are you packing"?Book Review: It Is What Is Expected
Summary: 4 Stars
When you open (or listen to) a Stone Barrington novel you get what you always get: a lawyer/private eye character who is ultra suave, yet self-effacing, who lives a life somewhat like James Bonds, with fancy restaurants, houses and women at the drop of the hat. There is also a good plot and two very good side-kicks - Dino, he police lieutenant, and Joan, the "Gal Friday".
This is the proto-typical Barrington novel. There are a few plots going onL: one with a ne'er-do-well client, Herbie Fisher, who always just eludes murder; a crazed stalker who arranges the rapes and murders of beautiful women; and the divorce of a wealthy lawyer who has ties to the mob. The plots are good and the ones with Herbie Fisher and the divorce lend humor.
These novels are unpretentious. THere is no attempt to make them anything they are not. They are meant to be read, enjoyed and passed on to the next person lying on the beach. This one is good romp as Stone romps from plot to plot and bedroom to bedroom. A bit formulaic, but the formula is light and enjoyable.
A note on the audio: It is terrific and the reader has voices of Stone and Dino down pat.
Book Review: Quickly written and it shows
Summary: 1 Stars
This author has churned out more than 30 novels and it is obvious that he has tapped into some sort of commercialized, formulized, quick read fiction. But he writes with all the care of a drunk college student returning from a party and typing up a paper that is due in the morning. Just fill the page with words, nobody will know the difference.
First of all, our hero, Stone Barrington is the American alpha male. He loves bourbon and steak and he gets laid without really having to try for it. Women just offer themselves to him. Our hero is unafraid of danger, has a super loyal secretary who faithfully keeps his affairs in order.
Most of the story is in dialogue, and everybody sounds exactly alike. The only reason I finished the book was because I knew that this author understands what sells in the market place. It is written at a seventh grade level, the chapters are only three or four pages long. And lots of melodrama.