Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child
by Marc Weissbluth
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Book Reviews of Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child
Book Review: Take what's useful and let your common sense guide you
Summary: 4 Stars
This book has a couple of really good things going for it, and a number of not-so-good. I recommend it as a very useful tool provided you use your common sense when you do (and who would blindly follow what ANYBODY told them to do anyway??)Good points:
He provides an excellent understanding of the sleep patterns of babies and children. The best thing about this book is that it helped me predict with almost 100% accuracy when my children (baby and pre-schooler) were ready to go to sleep and would therefore do so quite happily.
He also passes on the number one piece of sleep advice that ALL knowledgable people in the field will tell you: your child MUST go to bed under the same circumstances that he/she will discover when he/she wakes briefly during the night. So...if the kid goes to sleep with music playing, the door open, and the night light on, these conditions must persist throughout the night or the kid will be disturbed when they have a partial awakening and find the environment changed and will have a hard time going back to sleep. For this reason it is essential that the child NOT go to sleep with you standing over it unless you're planning to be there all night! We used to read my 3 1/2 year old to sleep every night and he would wake up and cry hysterically for mommy or daddy at 3 am several times a week and when we made the simple change of having him fall asleep without us in the room (we would wait until he was very tired and then say something like "mommy just has to go to the bathroom for a minute" and then leave) this completely stopped. As a result of this book I never stay with our six-month when he falls alseep and he sleeps 11 hours straight through the night and naps like a log.
BAD POINTS:
The books is very badly edited and makes the same points over and over again. You have to read a section about 6 times before you fully take in the important points since they're all mixed in with a lot of repetitive babble. Tight editing and "key points" lists could have eliminated this. The book describes it self as a "step by step" guide, but you're going to have to figure out the steps yourself! Also, I for one get nothing out of long anecdotes intended to prove a point. Anecdotes prove nothing, so keep them few and far between.
The guy is obsessed with early bedtimes as the cure for everything -- and that means before 8 pm. Hey -- babies can't tell time! What happens when daylight savings begins? Your baby who was going to bed at 8 is now going to bed at 9, and suddenly his sleep gets ruined? "Early" with respect to what? Daylight? Arbitrary clock time? Family activities? .
Strangely, for a guy who seems to have pretty "strict" ideas about sleep, Weissbluth states that babies need one (or TWO!) feedings a night until almost 9 months. In fact, by six months virtually ALL babies can sleep through the night without night-time feedings. They eat because they're conditioned to wake up and eat at a certain time. You can stop this easily in just a couple days, but you wouldn't even try if the only book you read was Weisbluth's and you didn't know any better.
Final caveat: Weisbluth is right that you can't let a little whining prevent you from acting reasonably and it's very possible that, for example, when you put your baby down for a nap, he may whine for 5 minutes before falling to sleep. The bigger deal you make of it the more you are going to teach HIM to make a big deal of it. BUT there is a BIG difference between five minutes of whining and 20 minutes of hysteria. NO baby should EVER be ignored when it is crying in a paniced hysterical manner. If you have let the situation get screwed up to this point, you need to back off and start from square one. Keep your kid awake and out of his bed the next night until he is really tired. (Weisbluth would tell you that you should put him to bed EARLIER otherwise he'll be "too tired" to sleep. Hogwash!!) Put him down in bed and (if he is old enough to require it) make an excuse to leave briefly. Next night do this 15 minutes earlier, etc. until the kid can go to bed at a decent bedtime with no crying. It works!
Book Review: Weissbluth Understands that Parenting is Still an Art
Summary: 5 Stars
I see there are over 800 customer reviews of this book, so I'm not sure why I'm writing one more, except that I feel motivated by how enormously this book has helped me. A friend gave me this book while I was still pregnant and I was only mildly interested because I naively believed that intuition and common sense were all I needed to guide me through motherhood. I also secretly regarded other parents who approached their child's daily routines in such a systematic manner as slightly neurotic. The first chapter of this book started my thinking on a different course and I realized that I needed major correction in my personal philosophy of sleep. I simply do not place a lot of value on sleep; in my mind, sleep is the equivalent of missing out on doing stuff. As Weissbluth explains, we live in a culture that does not value rest. On top of that, I was raised in a family culture that did not value rest, or daily routines, or regularity for that matter. My mother has told me many times that "I never took naps," as if it was simply my preference/nature as a child and had nothing to do with her parenting. All that is to say, while for many new parents, putting their child on a nap schedule may be an obvious part of parenting that comes naturally, it didn't for me-- at all-- and I desperately needed a book like this for guidence.
I like Weissbluth because although his method is very, well, methodological (which normally is a big turn-off for me), he really never loses touch with the fact that parenting is an art. While authors like Sears would say that letting your child cry is tantamount to hardening your heart and eroding the bond, I disagree. Weissbluth's advice for letting your child cry in certain situations is incredibly nuanced to the point that after several weeks of following his advice, I feel like I know my baby much better, and am more in tune with her needs. The bond is stronger because we communicate better: I can distinguish her cries and discern if she is crying out of discomfort, or crying simply because she needs to "blow off steam" (his words) before getting into dreamland. And the truth is, the whole point of sleep training is to reach a place where your baby doesn't cry or battle with you over sleep. Once your baby gets into sync with a good sleep routine (per W, in my case) crying is not a big issue anyway.
My motherly intuition is still alive and well and I don't feel as if it has been supplanted by some expert author. If anything, I feel that my intuition has been honed, corrected, and enhanced. I don't feel like a neurotic parent, constantly flipping through the pages of a book rather than trusting myself. I do constantly reference this book, because, as he says, babies go through different stages of sleep needs that forever keep you on your toes, and, as other reviewers have said, this book can get rather bogged down at times with sheer information. But paradoxically, I feel empowered by what I've read here to read each situation with my baby more accurately, break the rules when I need to, and so on. The book is filled with anecdotes by parents which reflect just how dynamic parenthood is and that every child is different, every family style is different. I could easily add my own anecdote now about how much this book has helped me and my four-month old girl and it would reflect something unique-- not cookie cutter parenting, as I would have feared.
Lastly, I have to add (the bottom line) that without this book, my little girl would be on her way to being chronically tired and our family life would be suffering from irregularity and aggitation brought on a baby who needs more sleep than she's getting and has no regularity from day to day. This is the reality of life with a tired, unscheduled baby, as anyone will quickly find out who has one. There aren't that many ways to achieve a sane household except to be proactive and do something. Common sense may get some people there, but I needed a lot of help. Weissbluth showed me what to do and for that I am SO grateful.
Book Review: Nourish your baby's brain with sleep
Summary: 5 Stars
You nourish your baby's body with food, and your baby's emotional development with affection and attention. These principles are accepted by most parents without question. Dr. Weissbluth explains, with scientific evidence and common sense, the less-accepted principle that you nourish your baby's brain with adequate sleep. Once you realize how important adequate and quality sleep is for your baby (contrary to critics, it's not just something that selfish parents seek so that THEY can get some free time or sleep), it makes sense for a loving parent to pursue this with fervor.
Dr. Weissbluth gives biologically sound advice on how you can best go about helping your baby get good sleep, using your baby's own biochemical development (by things like observing signs of alertness and drowsiness to start soothing your baby to sleep before they get over-tired; timing naps for times of the day when baby's bodies are biologically designed to sleep best; putting your baby to bed early--the earlier the better and longer they sleep). Dr. Weissbluth believes that a lot of colicky and fussy behavior (and later even things like ADHD) are due to sleep deprivation, and that once children are sleeping better they are genuinely happier kids!
I've read some of the reviews criticizing this book as "just another cry-it-out" method, but I would generally have to disagree with this. Dr. Weissbluth's main goal is for parents to advocate for their children's sleep. He does not eschew a particular method for how to obtain this, except for the principles I described above. He does mention various views out there (such as cry-it-out, controlled crying/check and console, as well as soothing your child to sleep until they are deep in sleep) and is a proponent of using more gentle techniques to obtain sleep, if they do in fact work for a particular set of parents/babies. He does acknowledge that for severely colicky babies, those techniques may not be as effective and that the extinction method may be the only thing that works.
Other helpful ideas he illuminates include: 1)Sleep is controlled by the brain, not the stomach; focusing on cluster feedings, etc don't make sense. (2)The awake brain and the sleep brain are biologically completely different; when a baby is crying in his biologically asleep rhythm (which a parent may mistake as his being biologically awake), it doesn't make sense to worry about the baby feeling abandoned while crying; he cannot neurologically make such a connection. (3)Sleep begets sleep; the more sleep you are able to help your baby get, the more sleep they will in turn get (4)Sleep needs to be stationary, motion sleep in swings, strollers, slings, arms, etc is not deep quality sleep.
Since reading Dr. Weissbluth's book, I am a major supporter of my baby's sleep. By following his principles, my 4 1/2 month old daughter is now taking naps for 5+ hours a day total and is sleeping 12-13 hours a night (with one VERY brief night wakening for a feed). She really is less fussy and happier, and I can see now how a lot of her behavior before was driven by her being over-tired and not rested enough. I used to think she "HAD" to cry herself to sleep (which she did regardless of anything I tried to do to soothe her). She now goes to bed each and every time (sometimes in a drowsy state, sometimes even while still awake) with no more crying. I realize now that her fussiness around sleeptime was due to her being desperately over-tired. I have had to adjust my life to help her get her sleep; yes we are on a schedule, but contrary to critics, this is not for MY convenience, but for her benefit; in fact, I am more inconvenienced as I don't go out when she should be sleeping or napping, but I am convinced that the benefit of sleep to my daughter's physical and mental development is more than worth it.
Book Review: Cruel and Unsafe
Summary: 1 Stars
The whole philosophy of the book is that children's need for sleep takes precedence over all other needs of the child: need for security, (Maslow), need to develop trust (Erickson), and other basic needs like breastmilk and water.Weissbluth's definition of a sleep problem is when the child not sleeping becomes a problem for the parent. His solution is that up to four months, parents should meet the babies' needs for cuddles, feeding, etc. After four months, he advocates letting the baby cry it out for however long it takes until the baby stops crying and goes to sleep. The parents are not to check on the baby or pat it's back or talk. When asked "How long should I let my baby cry?", he replies, "to establish regular naps, and consolidated sleep overnight, there is no time limit." p.134 "We are leaving the baby alone to forget the expection to be picked up."
The most offensive part of the book in on page 157 in the 4 month to 12 month age, where he replies to a mother whose baby is so upset, she vomits: "If the vomiting always occurs, I think you will want to always go in to clean her promptly and then leave her again. If the vomiting is irregular and occasional, you should try waiting until after you think she is deeply asleep before checking, and then quickly clean her if needed."
The parents are not to check to see if the baby choked? They are advised to make her fall asleep in her vomit? What if her body is dangling from the crib slats? What if she has a tummyache, or is hungry or has a thread wrapped around her toe? The parents are just supposed to ignore it until she gives up sobbing in desparation?
Weissbluth also makes statements in the book that are not backed by studies:
Letting a baby cry for hours on end without soothing, reassuring, or picking up, does no emotional damage in the long term.
Kids become independent by being ignored and learning to meet their own needs by self soothing, rahter then by being nurtured ny parents and having their needs met quickly.
Kids that demand more emotional/social time with parents are called "bratty".
Temperment can be changed by sleep increases. A child's behaviour is not linked to temperment, but is linked to the amount of rest they get.
Parents have ultimate *control* over their child's sleep. They are not just facilitators of sleep, but can make their children go to sleep.
Breastmilk and formula are just as satiating because of the similar calorie count. (He discounts that breastmilk is easier to digest and therefore breastfed babies can be hungrier through the night. )
Adults who are addicted to their lovers, probably had Mothers who couldn't allow them to separate, self soothe, or grow. p.236
A nine month old baby has the cognitive ability to "stick it to his Mother" and planned out ways to manipulate her. p.218
Infants that have every need met are left with "undischarged aggression". The infant is robbed of desire because his every need is anticipated and met before being experienced. p.78
"Two and a half hours of crying is normal during a sleep training program. " (The baby is two months old.) P. 97 to 99
The need for attention and soothing at night is not a need, but a want, like the desire for candy. p. 164
This book is not only cruel but dangerous. A parent who can ignore her babies crys in the midst of vomit for hours on end, is not going to be a nurturing, responsive parent during the day. The need for attention, food, soothing, cuddles and security are basic needs of babies and children. Sleep is also a need. As a responsible parent you can find ways to give your child both.
Book Review: Save your money, here's a summary of this book
Summary: 4 Stars
About a month ago, my 10 month old baby had a cold, and I felt so bad that I started bringing her into bed with us so I could keep close tabs on her. Unfortunately, after she started feeling better, she was entirely unwilling to go back to her own bed. So I bought "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child." Boy, for anyone who is having trouble nodding off, its a great book, put Me right to sleep! His 400 pages could basically be condensed down to a twenty page pamphlet, and those 20 pages could be summarized as: Put your baby to bed earlier and let her cry it out. With the attachment parenting trend seeming to dominate every popular parenting magazine, I had started to feel as if someone would call child protective services if my baby every cried. Or that I would do some type of permanent damage to her self confidence and our relationship. But at the same time, I basically knew that by leaping at every little squeak she made, I was teaching her to cry every time things didn't go exactly her way. She wasn't getting enough sleep and neither was I.
So, absolutely feeling sick to my stomach, I put her to bed an hour early and shut the door. She cried very hard for about 20 minutes and I couldn't stand it. I was so upset myself I went in and rubbed her back a little, and she fell promptly asleep. For the next two hours she stirred a little, but never really woke up. Then she slept the entire night, In her Own Bed! She even slept an hour later than she normally had been.
Now, this one night of sound sleep would have been well worth the $15 I spent on the book, if my husband and I had actually slept. In the month that she had been in our bed, we had gotten so accustomed to her being there, that we both kept waking up all night looking for her.
Since then, we are all sleeping better. She definitely complains at nap and bed time, but only for a couple of minutes. And her crying is very clearly annoyed protesting rather than sounding as if she is seriously upset or has a problem. She is sleeping longer both at night and at nap time. During the day, she is much more able to entertain herself. She had been taking two, or sometimes three naps a day, but they were only half an hour long. And when she was awake, she needed constant entertainment. I couldn't do anything other than be with her. Now I have time to write and long reviews of parenting books!
I realize that this has been basically a review of the method and not the book. Obviosly, the method has worked for us. And what it basically boils down to is, your child crying is not a terrible thing. You need to remember that you are the parent, and if you decide that it is time for a nap, then its time for a nap, not a debate.
Regarding the book, it is clearly very well researched, but excessivly long. The information is very repetative and not terribly well organized. However, if you are willing to wade through testimonials praising the doctor and read the same piece of information over and over again, there are some usful sections. For instance, the book suggest concrete times you should target to put your child to sleep along with averages for how long most children sleep at specific ages. And while ou might get tired of all the quotes from parents tooting the doctors horn, they did help me find the courage to let her cry and not think that I was the worlds worst parent.
So should you buy the book, probably not. If you are reading this book because your older baby is struggling with sleep, than you probably know its because you have been a bit of a pushover. Toughen up, put the music on so the wails don't break your resolve, and send me the $15.
Best of luck, things got enormously better for us in 2-3 days.