Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child
by Marc Weissbluth
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Book Reviews of Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child
Book Review: This is the only sleep book I own
Summary: 5 Stars
I bought this book because of it's good reviews and started reading it when my daughter was several weeks old. She was laying in a cradle beside our bed and soon at 4am, instead of waking up for a feeding, she would suck madly on her fist while sleeping. Usually we woke her up for a bottle, but we followed the book's recommendation and let her sleep. It was then she she started sleeping 10, then 11 hours at night at three months old. I became a firm believer.
We chose the cold turkey method of sleeping through the night, although this is only one of the options the books gives you. By five months old, we would put her down wide awake at 6:30 the evening and she would sleep until at least 6am in the morning. I was flabbergasted. We had only endured two or three nights of initial screaming. Once she was down for the night, we did not go back into her room. She had learned to put herself to sleep and we started feeling like part of the living again.
I followed the book religiously for naps and nighttime sleep. It made for a very scheduled life, but I am thankful for the sleep we were all getting. We have a happy, rested, well adjusted baby. We are down to a 2 hour nap a day (at 14 months old) and she sleeps 12 - 13 hours at night. I still put her down at 6:30pm and she sleeps until at least 7:30am (and recently until 8am, after giving up her morning nap). It does usually take her a half hour to fall asleep, but she'll talk or hum to herself until then. We don't rush to get her when she wakes in the morning and she'll keep herself entertained for up to an hour - this was especially useful when she was waking up at 6am and we couldn't pry our eyes open that early. She is a terror if I don't put her down so early or if she does not nap will during the day, she really needs that much sleep! This still does not make much sense to me, you'd think the older they get the later they can stay up, but apparently not!
Not only was this book helpful in applying a sleep routine, it describes the stages of development babies go through and how it effects their sleep. It details what to expect and how to handle the changes. I never imagined it's totally normal for babies and toddlers to wake up 3 or 4 times a night but then go back to sleep. I would have been tempted to run in her room to help her get back to sleep, but that would have been disasterous. We leave her alone, even if she wakes up crying, and within a several minutes she has put herself back to sleep again. Who would have guessed??
My best friend was having problems with her daughter's sleep, so I gave her this book. Not only did it work for me, but it worked for her too. Now I buy this book for everyone I know who has an infant or who is expecting. I credit this book with my daughter's fabulous sleep habits and great disposition- I would never have thought of these things by myself since they are not necessarily intuitive.
If you follow the recommendations in this book, you will be living a fairly structured life. I don't care however, because we all sleep! And seeing how my daughter reacts to not getting enough sleep, I think it's cruel of me to not to protect her sleep schedule. That is more important to me than being able to spend the afternoon at the mall shopping.
I have not bothered reading any other books on sleep. This book is worth more than it's weight in gold to our family. We have been sleeping and well rested since our daughter was three months old, and that speaks for itself.
Book Review: Be warned, "Cold Turkey" is NOT for everyone!
Summary: 3 Stars
I bought this book based on the glowing reviews listed here and was disappointed. If you are currently pregnant and want to get started on Weissbluth's techniques the day you come home, his technique might work better for you. If, however, you are like most families these days and follow the advice of never letting your baby cry (if you can help it) in the first three months, and then suddenly try the "cry til they fall asleep, they will eventually" method, you might be in trouble. Weissbluth states that letting your baby cry it out is NOT the way to get your child to sleep, and then everything he says leads you to letting your baby cry it out.After about 4 days of trying with Weissbluth and hearing my baby cry for upwards of two hours only to quiet for about 15-45 minutes before crying again, I ran out and bought Ferber's book. Ferber started working for me in less than three days, with excellent results within a week. Weissbluth gives the Ferber method credit but says, to paraphrase, most parents get tired of counting the minutes, going in and soothing their child, and finally just go cold turkey anyway. However, I think that most parents would be glad to take the time to sooth their child, who is confused about being put down in their crib all alone and left to wonder if their parents are ever coming back! The soothing is almost more for the parents' reassurance, anyway, I think. It helped me to cope with a crying baby...I was able to see he was just fine. And your efforts wouldn't last more than a week or two before your baby figures it out.
Weissbluth's book is also a bit confusing in that there are many questions that I found were left unanswered. There also are some areas left vague. One area is subtitled "Weeks 4 to 8" and then it goes right into "three to four months." Is my baby ready for the "three to four months" chapter techniques when he's 9, 10, 11 weeks old and by all accounts that I know, still considered a two-month old? I was very confused.
I think the older your child is, the easier this method might be. I started at 12 weeks and tend to think I was rushing it. I backed off and am still not trying to get naps accomplished in the crib (my son is now 4 months). Weissbluth states that napping "on the move" is very bad sleep and that it should be avoided. However, if your child will only nap in the car, or in a swing, or in a baby carrier, and he won't nap when laid in his crib, what is better? A "poor quality" nap to begin with, or a "poor quality" nap immediately after he wouldn't sleep in his crib and cried for an hour and then is really exhausted (and so are you)? Please, let's get realistic.
I did find Weissbluth's theory on sleeping to be interesting, and I am using some of the background information as a basis for how I'm doing things in my current sleep training with my son, but for a better all-around technique, read Ferber. Or better yet, read both like I did and glean what you want from each.
Finally, try not to laugh at Weissbluth's parent stories, which I think are supposed to make you feel like you aren't alone in your sleep struggles. When you read about the woman who wonders if she is a bad parent because her baby cried for a WHOLE 15 minutes before going to sleep, and your baby is working on his second hour, you'll begin to laugh (albeit hysterically) at how easy some parents have it.
Good luck with whatever theory you try...all sleep-deprived parents need it!
Book Review: Not Very Well Written and a Bit Confusing
Summary: 3 Stars
I really wanted to like this book since a friend bought it for me and said the methods worked perfectly for his son, but I can only give it a mediocre rating. There is definitely some useful information in here (understanding sleep rhythms, sleep needs by age, the fact that nap schedules and sleep schedules can develop at different times, infants should only be awake 1 to 2 hours at a time), but the author spent too much time explaining the science of sleep and not enough time talking about methods to improve sleep. The book was poorly organized, and I often found myself wondering whether a section applied to a child 3 or 4 months old, or whether my child was too young to even be considering these methods. Basically, it seemed like he spent much more time justifying his method with studies than helping parents figure out when and how to apply his methods and helping them through common bumps in the road.
A couple of notes:
1. This book is pretty much on the extreme end of the "cry it out" spectrum. The author mentions other methods, and admits they can be successful, but clearly espouses a cold turkey approach vs. check and console. If you feel you could go for that, consider this book. Otherwise, Ferber is a little less extreme. And Mindell is even less extreme. All three believe that significant crying may occur, so don't confuse them with attachment parenting, but they have a different way of going about it.
2. All of the authors that I read agreed that other sleep training methods would work, but you have to pick the one that you have the best chance of following through on. Weissbluth argues that his method of not responding is quicker and results in less overall crying. Others argue that it is much harder to feel like you're not responding to your child at all, so there's more chance of quiting. You decide which makes more sense to you. All agree that the specific method is less important than the act of picking a method and not giving up.
My recommendation:
First, ask yourself a question: Could I ever stand to let my child cry for an hour or more if I was confident that he wouldn't be irreparably damaged, and he would learn to get the sleep he deserved? If the answer is no, don't bother with this book or Ferber's, Mindell's or any other of these books. You'll find them cruel. If the answer is "yes", skip Sears and the other attachment folks for now and try a couple of the "cry it out" books (which is a misnomer).
Second, I'd read a couple. You'll be surprised how little agreement there is about sleep concepts, and that may help you to either find the philosophy you identify with or empower you to choose your own method that is a combination of a couple. For example, Weissbluth is more flexible about how a child gets to sleep (saying drowsy but awake is best, but basically, if it takes a car to get them to sleep, some sleep is better than none vs. always put your child to bed awake). Yet he's less flexible with the "cry it out" approach (saying don't go in and console him vs. briefly consoling every few minutes).
Third, don't freak out about it. After reading this book, my wife and I were so intent on soothing our child to sleep after 2 hours, that it seemed like it's all we did. That's really not a way to live your life. When I relaxed a little and got another opinion (Ferber, Mindell), we were much less stressed about the whole sleep thing.
Book Review: This book saved our life!
Summary: 5 Stars
Before this book, I was at the point of declaring our 6-week-old daughter "high needs". She never, ever took naps during the day, spent hours screaming, slept a total of 8 hours out of every 24, wanted to nurse constantly and refused to be put down without hollering. i couldn't ever sleep, put her down, or even bathe or eat...I was a complete wreck. And so was she.My husband and I made up a sleep chart as the book instructs, and horrified by how little she was sleeping, started the sleep training.
After only 3 days, she was an absolutely CHANGED child. The difference was unbelievable. She became calm, happy, interested in the world, and laughed easily and often. So much for "high needs" -- she was simply exhausted but we hadn't been getting her signals or providing the proper environment for her to sleep. Weissbluth's solutions worked. They worked fast. They worked like magic. They worked permanently.
Now, at a year old, she sleeps for at least 2 hours in the morning, atleast 90 minutes in the afternoon, and a remarkable 14 hours straight each and every night, from 7pm to 9 am (btw...Weissbluth says not to let them sleep this late, but we feel she needs the sleep and stays on schedule regardless). Moreover, she goes to sleep, whether for naps or at night, without any crying at all.
A word on the crying issue: lots of parents in these reviews think it's horrible to let your child "cry it out." There's no question that your heart breaks when you hear your child in this state. But Weissbluth advocates not "crying it out" but recognizing the signs of fatigue BEFORE the child gets so exhausted that she cries. He says "perfect timing means no crying." Sounds tricky (it is) but it's also true.
And our daughter did cry when we first started the training...never very long (max 20 minutes). It was terrible, but letting a child cry in order to learn an important skill and get needed sleep is good parenting. I cringed at the couple from NJ who implied that parents who "actually love their child" would never let her cry, keep her awake to spend time with her or take her out rather than stick to her nap schedule (we all love to be with our children, but you wouldn't keep them from eating because you want to be with them...why would you keep them from sleeping? it's just as important!).
It's also important, as Weissbluth says, to understand why your baby is crying, and to recognize the difference between a "protest cry" where nothing's wrong but she just wants you, a tired cry where what she wants is to sleep (i've seen lots of parents misunderstand this cry and keep their child awake), or a cry of distress when something is truly wrong. now when our daughter does cry very very occasionally in the middle of the night, we know that something is truly wrong like she's sick or has gotten tangled in her sheets...and of course we go to her right away.
There's no doubt that this book has made us better, more sensitive parents, because we understand our child better and take great care to give her what she needs to thrive, including lots and lots of sleep as well as love and attention. we're also better rested because of it, and that much more able to devote ourselves fully to her when she's awake. as for her, she's affectionate without being clingy, never ever grumpy or demanding, and so sunny that everyone comments us on it. We have this book to thank, and we're sending it to every new parent we know.
Book Review: The Most Comprehensive Book About Childrens' Sleep
Summary: 5 Stars
Part I of the book is the scientific base. It covers all the sleep science that you ever need to know: sleep cycles, sleep timing, naps, etc. It helps you understand the importance of proper sleep and also covers various baby sleep problems and solutions.
Part II of the book is the sleep information and action plan based on child's age: up to 4 months, 5-12 months, 13 months to 3 years, 3 to 6 years, and 7 to 12 years.
At the end of each chapter, it has "Action Plan For Exhausted Parents". It is only a couple of pages long and contains the summary of all the important points of the chapter, and the plan that tells you what to do to solve sleep problems. So if you don't have time to read the whole book, you can just skip to those sections and find what you need to know.
Part III of the book covers special issues such as clinical sleep problems (sleepwalking, night terrors, etc.) and other events that affect sleep (such as new sibling, moving, etc.)
The author cites scientific studies to prove every point that he makes, so you know that it's not just his opinion, but an established scientific fact. The message throughout the book is: you are doing your baby a disservice if you don't teach him the healthy sleep habits. If your child is a poor sleeper and you are hesitant to do anything about it, this book will get you motivated to act now.
Most of the author's practical recommendations come down to the following: proper sleep timing, earlier bedtime and cry-it-out.
The author recommends the "cry-it-out" method called "extinction" - you just close the door and leave your child to cry however long it takes to fall asleep. While I'm sure that this method works, I personally prefer the Ferber method for those who have to resort to "cry-it-out". With the Ferber method, you leave the child to cry for short periods of time and then come back to check on them. The Ferber method worked really well for my daughter, and seemed less mean then "extinction".
Now what happens if "cry-it-out" doesn't work? The book doesn't address this situation, but it happened to me. As I said earlier, we sleep-trained our daughter using the Ferber method when she was 6 months old. It worked in 2 days, and kept working for a year - she slept through the night every night from 6 to 18 months. Then at 18 months she started waking up at night, standing in her crib and screaming. She didn't have health problems like ear infections, so it was purely a sleep issue. Ignoring her didn't help - toddlers are much more persistent than babies - they don't give up very easily. She just stood there and cried for a really long time until I'd come and sit in her room... then she'd fall asleep, I'd leave, and she'd wake up in a few hours and cry again... and it went on for over a month. I finally solved that problem by using the strategies described in another sleep book "The Baby Whisperer".
Overall I think this book is a required reading, even if you don't endorse the "cry-it-out" method. Understanding everything about sleep will make you better prepared to correct your child's sleep habits, no matter what sleep-training method you chose. Also, if you read it before your baby is born, knowing all the info about proper sleep timing can help prevent sleep problems in your newborn.