I Am America (And So Can You!)
by Stephen Colbert
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Book Reviews of I Am America (And So Can You!)
Book Review: Ate before you mate
Summary: 4 Stars
PREAMBLE RAMBLE
Some reviewers on this site...and some of the "reviewers of reviewers"...tend to rate products or reviews in an almost knee-jerk fashion based upon their pre-conceived ideas about certain authors or artists (or reviewers). While that is understandable, it is not particularly helpful for those who want to rely upon the quality of the reviews here. So, I respectfully ask you to read this review before you rate it; and I will do my best to make it worth your time.
BACKGROUND
Like fellow culture warriors Ann Coulter, Al Franken, Sean Hannity, Keith Olbermann, Sean Penn, and Rush Limbaugh, best-selling author and pundit Stephen Colbert provokes a visceral reaction in just about everyone who encounters him. In plain English, either you love him or hate him, but there is rarely any middle ground.
And that's a shame, because it sometimes prevents sober, civil consideration of the content of his message.
In his latest book, Colbert--in his unique, bombastic, black and white, pointed way--tries to make sense of the growing divide in America between groups he dubs "traditionalists" and "secular-progressives." While I might quibble with the precision of those particular terms, I believe Colbert is onto something in terms of the motives and passions that drive this growing divide.
Colbert correctly notes that the animus is not primarily rooted in party affiliation or even in "conservative" or "liberal" labels. After all, despite what Al Franken or Keith Olbermann might say, Colbert himself is very difficult to label politically. Some of his ideas are certainly reflective of a conservative mindset, but others might be categorized as liberal. He has been a fierce critic of President George W. Bush on numerous fronts and he is an outspoken admirer of the late Bobby Kennedy.
To his fans, he is a no-nonsense, straight talker, who refuses to whore himself out to any politician or entity. To his detractors, he is the most irritating, arrogant bulldog in their consciousness, capable of driving them into a frothing frenzy at the very mention of his name. Is it any wonder, then, that he is the most watched news commentator on cable television?
OVERVIEW
Colbert's greatest strength as an analyst/pundit and author can also be his greatest weakness; that is, he is utterly self-assured, sometimes to the point of arrogance. Also, he tends to write like he speaks: blunt, sharp, "pithy," and at times, colorless. Nonetheless, he is also a very sharp and deep thinker who has the ability to take complex issues and quickly summarize them...to boil them down to their essence and clearly articulate their relevance.
He boldly, in broad brush strokes, lays out the battle lines, and fearlessly names names; particularly those who have tried to silence or bully him personally. But this book is about a lot more than Stephen Colbert; it's about the increasingly strident debate taking place in America concerning who we are as a people, and where we are going.
I personally dislike the term "progressive" for those who are attacking traditional values. I think "secular" is accurate, but I think that rather than calling their ideas "progressive," Colbert should call them "corrosive." The ACLU standing up for the "North American Man-Boy Love Association" is hardly progress; it's more like perversion. But I digress.
Colbert does a fine job of exposing hypocrisy and in provoking some questions that certainly need to be asked. And, in an odd way, he may help heal some of the partisan political divide as Democrats and Republicans who share many traditional values take consideration of the things they actually have in common.
RECOMMENDATION
This is a very important book that will spark many needed discussions in days, weeks, and months ahead. Colbert is a genius when it comes to seeing and articulating issues of relevance and import, and whether you love him or hate him, this book is a window onto the mindset of millions of Americans.
If more of us could learn to read the thoughts and ideas of "the other guys," it could significantly increase our understanding of one another and perhaps even lead to redemptive dialog. For that reason, I highly recommend this book.
Book Review: Either the book is too dense or I am. Probably the book.
Summary: 4 Stars
Stephen Colbert won't be satisfied until every American is in the top one percent. I'm doing one better. I won't be satisfied at all. It's not that Colbert's new mock-diatribe on the state of America isn't funny - it's funnier than Schwarzenegger on helium. It's that the delectable richness of his faux-earnest witticisms and ludicrous caricatures is flattened by the covers of a hardbound book.
"Like our Founding Fathers, I hold my Truths to be self-evident, which is why I did absolutely no research," Colbert crows in his introduction. He proceeds to march, head held high (and, I like to imagine, hands clasped tightly over his ears while screaming "I can't hear you!" over and over) through a parade of chapters highlighting fourteen controversial topics in modern American life. Beginning with The Family ("America used to live by the motto `Father Knows Best.' Now we're lucky if `Father Knows He Has Children.'") and moving through Old People, ("They call this group `AARP', which probably stands for something, but to me, sounds like the noise an old man makes when he's trying to get out of a bean bag chair."), Homosexuals ("Baby carrots are trying to turn me gay."), and Class War ("Class distinctions aren't just used to figure out where you sleep on a cruise ship."), Colbert alights finally on Science.
I normally skip it when an entertainer decides to make fun of science. Not because science ought to be above the ribbing of an expert humorist, but because no one seems to have any new jokes about it. Colbert, though, delivered. Or, to be more accurate, Colbert's army of semi-anonymous writers delivered.
"Like a load of dirty laundry spontaneously generates rats, questions spontaneously generate data and facts. And trust me: I wouldn't italicize these things if I didn't believe they were dangerous. It's not like I'm looking for extra work," begins Colbert in his anti-science rant. On the origin of the Universe, Colbert weighs in with, "Fourteen billion is a pretty big number; and God didn't create us so we could wast time trying to picture fourteen billion cupcakes. (DON'T TRY THIS!) [footnote] One...two...aaargh!"
Even we test-tube-inspecting nerds here in Pasadena get a brief mention. "So who gave some lab-coated pipette wielder permission to act like he knows more than I do about mitochondria, just because he spent twenty years of his life studying them in a laboratory? I happen to have some mitochondria myself, and I can tell you that mine don't take their marching orders from Caltech."
Despite Colbert's richly-slathered layers of wisecracks, I found the sarcasm dripping from each page too quick to cloy on my pallette. I wouldn't say that aside from the jokes, the book is insubstantial or shallow. I would say that aside from the jokes, the book is nonexistent.
Think of reading I Am America like eating jellybeans. The first few pages are heavenly titillations, each with a seemingly-fresh flavor. But beyond a handful, whether of Jelly-Bellies or Colbert's "poor people suck" jokes, it becomes harder to figure out what it was about the stuff you loved so much just a few moments ago. This book is best taken in small doses.
Much of Colbert's television material relies on the delivery - true for any humor but especially for sarcasm. This is inevitably lost in a print edition. The book is also available on audio CD, and though I've heard only an excerpt, I recommend the audio option in this case. However, with the printed book you do get the bonus of clever comments in the margins and some fun sheets of pre-printed stickers, for those of you who feel the urge to see the words "I think it. Stephen says it," on the bathroom mirror each morning.
Book Review: I Challenge You, "Steven Coal-bert"!
Summary: 5 Stars
I challenge you, Stephen Colbert! You are NOT a true American!
America, we've been duped. Stephen Colbert is not who he claims to be (he may actually be an automaton from the future who's trying to dupe us). He'd have you believe that he's some right-wing fanatic when, in reality, he's only a right-beak or maybe a foot. And I can prove it!
From chapter one of his book, I AM AMERICA (AND SO CAN YOU!), his family values seem admirable but fail to go the distance (got your boxing gloves on, Colbert?) He only hints at the disease that is homosexuality (i.e., Hollywood gaydom). I mean, these individuals (do not call them people!) are doctors, lawyers, judges, and porno store owners. We need to take a step back a few decades and purge these people (gah!) from our communities. Does Colbert say this? No! Shame on you, Steven (I've removed the "ph" from your name and put in the standard "v" for "victory" which is much more American and saves text space. Should you decide to reprint your book, Ste"v"en, you can send me a check for the amount of page space I saved the printer).
The left-wing liberal media is destroying our country but Colbert, again, doesn't step up and hit a home run (baseball references are very American, too). Nowhere does he mention the need to shut down these outlets, only to try and help them change venues. I say no! We need to get rid of these newspapers, magazines, and other forms of knowledge. Does he ever say that ignorance is bliss? Again, no! If God had wanted us to have knowledge, he wouldn't have gotten so miffed at Adam and Even when they ate from the darned tree! (Note to self. "Miffed at Adam and Eve" to be new chapter included in next bible reprinting. Start writing now!)
Religion. Oh boy, Steven. You really missed the boat on this one. Our forefathers (there were only four?) who, ironically, came over on a boat, helped spearhead the way for Christianity in the U.S. by helping the Native Americans turn to Jesus. We also helped them build up their immunity by giving them small-pox blankets and showing them close-ups of lead-filled musket balls. Spreading the word of Jesus went hand-in-hand with the spread of disease (and lead). White man's disease, that is (syphilis comes later, too, but is icky to talk about). Colbert fails to mention this. Poor sap.
And I have to mention Steven's last name and his lame (and misguided) attempts to get Chevron to sponsor portions of his book. Steven, your last name is Colbert. Has a certain "energy" ring to it, doesn't it? And it isn't "gasoline." Colbert. Coal-bert. Get it! You should be showing Americans the dangers of alternative fuels by supporting the coal industry, Coalbert. Wind and solar power? You can't even see them! How can you trust something that hides from you and produces no greenhouse gasses? I mean, come on!
Also my attorneys will be contacting you, Steven Coalbert, because there wasn't sufficient warning regarding putting this book down slowly and, like you, I injured my wrist in doing so. You can avoid any nasty and lengthy court trials, if you'd like, by sending me a check for $1 billion to: The Right-Wing-Man@Americarules.com.
Book Review: Lot of funny ideas from a Presidential wannabe
Summary: 4 Stars
I'm sorry that Stephen Colbert was not allowed to run
for President . . . he would have injected some much-needed
humor into the campaign, and you would certainly know
how he stands on any political issue.
Take the issue of laws being passed that would require
dogs to wear seatbelts:
* What's next, Massachusetts? Making dogs wear hard hats
when they chase the ball? Or life vests when they swim in a lake?
Or safety goggles when they spot-weld?
Colbert in I AM AMERICA (AND SO CAN YOU!) wrote this
bestseller, according to the book jacket, over a three-day
weekend . . . it contains his most deeply held knee-jerk
beliefs on such topics as the American family, race, religion
and even such sports as:
* Cycling: It seems a colossal waste to me to have a dozen cyclists,
in peak condition, furiously pedaling their sleek carbon-fiber machines
at mind-boggling speeds . . . and not a single one of them is carrying
a takeout order of Chinese food. Because once you're past the age
of 12, the only legitimate reason I can think of to get on a bicycle
is to deliver someone's steamy container of moo shu pork. I say we
limit the cycling events to professional delivery boys and bike
messengers, and here's a thrilling twist I came up with the other night
while watching THE ROAD TO PERDITION: Each contestant is
carrying an envelope he's supposed to deliver to the judge. Inside that
envelope: an order to shoot the cyclist dead. The spectators know what's
in the notes--the athletes have no idea!!!!
If you don't get the chance to watch THE COLBERT REPORT, his
highly rated television show, this book will help you fill the other
23 1/2 hours of your day . . . it will certainly have you laughing
in many spots, such as when he considers the role played
by your aunts and uncles:
* PRO: They have a hilarious childhood story about how Mom
got that scar.
CON: They are under the impression you should still be excited to see them
even after they stop bringing presents.
Be forewarned that you'll certainly find something offensive in
I AM AMERICA, regardless of your political persuasion or sexual
leaning . . . Colbert is tough on homosexuals, as well as on
immigrants, and I even cringed at parts of the book . . . yet
overall, you'll find yourself drawn to it as I was when I saw
the cover and this one tribute on the back:
* A great read! I laughed, I cried, I lost 15 ponds! I cannot
recommend this book highly enough.
The fact that Colbert wrote the blurb did little to take away
my enjoyment, other than to say I was disappointed that
I didn't lose any weight when reading it.
Book Review: Stephen Colbert Is the Thinking Person's Archie Bunker for the 21st Century
Summary: 5 Stars
When the television series All in the Family came out, it was quite a sensation when Archie Bunker expressed all of the prejudices that we had come to believe were held by white working class members of society in the 1960s through the early 1980s. Just to be sure that no missed the point that the show was a satire, Archie would argue with his liberal college student son-in-law, Michael Stivic (played by Rob Reiner), to bring out the contrasts to Archie's Neanderthal beliefs. Archie (played brilliantly by Carroll O'Connor) was always happy to be right in his own mind, even when proven wrong.
Part of what made the show so funny was to hear someone espousing prejudiced views in a seemingly sincere fashion, with no apologies to anyone.
Stephen Colbert's book, I Am America, captures that same essential humor as he espouses the prejudiced views of the white conservative person . . . but with no one to argue with him except you the reader in your own mind.
If you have ever watched Mr. Colbert perform on television, I'm sure you'll be like me and hear his voice recounting the one-liners. That made it extra fun for me!
The book has an unusual design that adds to the humor, including room for margin and foot notes to spear the points even harder, fictitious essays by average citizens, humorous photographs and illustrations, puzzles, games, stickers, and even a bound-in book ribbon.
Unlike a lot of humor books, he doesn't shy away from the delicate subjects like religion, sex, homosexuals, evolution, and illegal immigrants. Having seen how much fun he had in those areas, it made me wonder why more comedians don't take these areas in "clean" ways like Mr. Colbert does.
The humor often digs into a deeper level, exposing the hypocrisy of self-serving self-promotions that many book authors shamelessly employ, those who failed to act in honorable ways (such as those who produced names of "fellow travelers" for the HUAC in the 1950s), and even the toadying that goes in with regards to Islam in the media.
The only way he could have made this book any funnier would have been to create a state-by-state version of wrong headedness. Perhaps that will be the focus for a future book.
I Am America bears close reading; many of the layers of humor are well submerged below the surface of the main gag. I found myself rereading many sections several times in appreciation for the subtle jokes.
Alas, it's all too true. If you are like me, you'll probably find yourself realizing that you, too, have room to improve.
Bravo, Mr. Colbert!