I Am America (And So Can You!)
by Stephen Colbert
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Book Reviews of I Am America (And So Can You!)
Book Review: Jam-packed with truthiness
Summary: 5 Stars
Obviously a lot has been said about this book. Its chapters are organized thematically, including (but not limited too) such varied subjects as Sex, The Family, Old People, and Homosexuals. Rather than trying to describe the book, here's a sampling of what you'll find...
On the family:
*Children are tiny versions of you, minus the crushing failure.
On old people:
*No disrespect, but old people are useless to me.
*After criminals and babies, seniors are the most coddled segment of the population. They have everything given to them, from pensions to discount meals to help crossing the street. And despite all they get, they complain.
On animals:
*To put it simply, certain animals are endangered because God is pissed off at them. If you try to save an endangered animal, you are going against God's will.
*I went to the zoo once. Not impressed. The animals were lazy. If I want to see a monkey sleeping, I'll tranquillize one.
On religion:
*Now, I have nothing but respect for the Jewish people. Since the Bible is 100% the true word of God, and the Jews only believe in the Old Testament, that means Judaism is 50% right.
*Buddhism instructs its followers to forsake attachment to material things. Go for it guys. That's just more material things for those of us who have enough sense to glorify our Lord with speedboats.
On sports:
*The fact is, Americans want the best of everything. That's why Americans won't watch women's basketball. Every time I see a lady make a shot I think, "I bet a guy could've made that better."
*Football started out as a great idea: "What if we took rugby and got rid of the part where guys stick their heads in each others' butts?"
*Diving: Not sure what the big achievement is in walking off the end of a plank and succumbing to gravity.
On homosexuals:
*I'm perfectly fine with someone choosing to be gay, as long as he marries a woman and has kids like the rest of us. And if he has to flaunt it, there's a place for that: in the privacy of his own home. Which should be a jail cell.
*We all know that people in prison engage in homosexual acts, right? Which means that criminals are more likely to be homosexuals. So wouldn't it save us a lot of tax dollars to simply throw all gay people in prison? You know, cut out the middleman.
Book Review: I Read This Book
Summary: 5 Stars
I was going to rate this book 2 stars, but I think that's like 4 stars Canadian so I just averaged it out to 5.
As you all know, I'm a tepid-blooded liberal - I cry myself to sleep nightly reminiscing over old Punky Brewster episodes (that old guy really loved that despicable orphanette and he ran a police academy to boot!). So I need to keep up the facade that if I could spend 4 1/2 months reading 1200 pages a day of Billy Clinton's latest LoveMeLoveMeYouReallYLoveMeButILoveMeMore book, I could spare a few Saved By The Bell: The College Years commercial breaks to hear what the 'other' side has to say.
Today, I'm a changed man (except for my jeans and I think one of my socks). Mr. Colbert has eloquently learned (yes, it's a real word) me that there is nothing more to fear in this life than old people. And the only thing to fear more than old people is old people who just keep getting older. Now growing old might be great for you and Ted Nugent, but if wanting to live forever is a crime, then lock me up! Preferably in a cryogenic chamber. But what we neglect here is that there's an easy answer to social insecurity - HIRE MORE ZOMBIES. Zombies have a much more respectable work ethic than old people who can't wait to retire. Old people need money for food - hence the need for social security. Zombies don't eat food. See the point? If they don't need to eat, they don't need money, so they don't need social security. Unless of course they want to go to Vegas and spend it all on hookers. Zombies are cool. They're also excellent drivers.
But this book isn't all roses and other good stuff, it has its flaws too. Every other page has giant pictures that all too closely resembles pop-up ads for free* ipods and (very) expensive porn sites. But it's nice to know that retired circus elephants have found a second career as illustrators. Also, the price. For the same price, I purchased the last Harry Potter book which is at least 80x the number of pages - the price per page there is so amazingly beneficial that it must have been written by a bunch of 7 year olds in a third world country. And that leads me to my biggest issue with I Am America..
STEPHEN COLBERT DOES NOT KNOW HORCRUXES
There, I said it. Overall it's a great book (as great as books can possibly be anyway) and I'd highly recommend it. I just wish I had more laxative handy to give me an excuse to go read more.
Book Review: Laura says "Nah"
Summary: 5 Stars
The transcript of Stephen Colbert's 2006 White House Correspondence Dinner -- included in the book -- is worth the price of admission. Unlike Don Imus foul-mouthed personal attack on Clinton, Colbert didn't stoop to four letter words and didn't address Bush the Man, just Bush the President, and as much as it hurts me to say it, he rocked.
I believe in respecting the office of the President, whether I support the particular seatwarmer of the moment or not. However, this is an occasion where the President shows up to be tweaked. Knowing that, it seems silly to boil over when much of Colbert's material was taken right from the news pages. It doesn't behoove the POTUS to get all riled up because someone is making jokes about him at an event that's set up to make jokes about him. Anyway, Colbert's speech was funny--so funny that Laura Bush ended up giving him the hairy eyeball and withdrew her hand when Colbert presented his for a hearty shake. Not that I blame her. I might have thwacked him over the head with my dessert spoon, but my manners are not nearly as finely honed as the First Lady's. And when you can make someone as pharmaceutically composed as Mrs. B want to eat your liver, you've done something right.
The 2006 Correspondents' Dinner speech is certainly the highlight of the book. The rest is a mixed bag, some of it works, some does not. At it's best, it's a seamless parody of all the "books" published under the names of those know-nothing talking heads on the left and right who, armed with mediocre educations, limited historical perspective, and little talent except for screaming 'Shut up' at debators. (How can anyone forget gasbag Bill O'Reilly preserved forever on tape screaming that phrase at a young boy whose dad was killed on 9/11...because the kid was outdebating him?)
Anyhoo, Colbert does lean left -- which raises the question: Why is the left just funnier? I mean, Ann Coulter--who actualy thinks she's funny, is like the black hole of funny, and Dennis Miller??? Just broke my heart to see that smart little bad boy get all pompous and Americaner-than-thou. Despite Mr. Colbert's political posture, anyone with a sense of humor and who is not a zombified Reaganite should get a kick out of his book.
Book Review: We've Laughed These Laughs Before - Many Times
Summary: 3 Stars
I love Stephen Colbert. I used to videotape his segements on "The Daily Show" and watch them several times. His coverage of the 2000 Republican Convention was priceless.
His new schtick, a running parody of Bill O'Reilly, constricts what he can do. He's still funny, but in a more limited way.
I couldn't wait to get my hands on this book; therefore, it surprised me when, even though I laughed out loud while reading it, I didn't feel compelled to pick it up again after putting it down.
I just felt that I had laughed all these laughs before - many times.
Hey, I remember "That Was the Week That Was." (Does anyone else?) And "Laugh-In" and "Saturday Night Live" -- wait, that's still on. More often than not, highbrow satire targets rich, white, Christian, hetero, American men. So, you have jokes, as in this book, which imply that Colbert's macho All-American character hides a secret gay side, brought out by baby carrots. Ha, ha, ha. Isn't that funny.
And there are jokes about how rich, right-wing people think idiotic thoughts about the poor, and jokes about the "War on Christmas."
And the thing is -- yes, the jokes are funny. I did laugh. But -- forgive me for this, Stephen -- I started feeling the way I felt when I laughed at Bob Hope's final stand up routines. (Yes, I remember Bob Hope, too.)
It's all too predictable.
The very best humor surprises. It creates new synaptic connections in the brain. It turns the way you see the world upside down. That's why figures like Lenny Bruce, Mort Sahl, Jon Stewart, become, not just comedians, but icons of their era.
Stephen Colbert is so gifted, so smart, so funny, I have to think he can do more than give us jokes we've laughed at before, jokes at the expense of a target that is pretty easy, at this point.
How about the Globalization of comedy? How about some jokes about today's news, the jailing of a teacher over a teddy bear? How about jokes at the expense of people who sport environmental bumper stickers on their SUVs?
The world is a diverse place and Bill O'Reilly and his ideology are not the only risible material out there.
Book Review: Sharp satire
Summary: 5 Stars
Remember the days when political discourse was polite and rational? Neither do I. It seems that the most successful of the talking heads are on the political right, which may just be an indication that the left is just not as good at simplistic arguments. I would imagine that even for many who espouse conservative causes are often embarrassed by the hateful and ludicrous rantings of a Ann Coulter or Rush Limbaugh (just as many liberals would like to distance themselves from the likes of a Rosie O'Donnell). It is Bill O'Reilly, however, who often seems to be the biggest blowhard, which makes him ripe for parody in the form of Stephen Colbert.
Colbert's daily cable show, the Colbert Report, is a spinoff of The Daily Show, which takes the format of a political talk show. Colbert plays the ultimate right-leaning patriot whose satirical arguments are often just slight distortions of actual arguments by O'Reilly and company. I Am America (And So Can You) is a companion piece to the TV show.
Examples include his dissection of the periodic table of elements, which he condemns as a rip-off of the U.S. map and is able to find a secret Satanic message buried within; tips to become more homophobic, and his explanation of various college courses (Comparative Religion: "Jesus Wins."). Sex, sports, immigration, Hollywood and race are all targets for Colbert's humor.
Of course, this is one of those books that is a barometer of your own political leanings. If you tilt to the left, you will enjoy this book and find it funny. If you lean to the right, on the other hand, you will be less amused (and should probably not even bother reading it.
Personally, I enjoyed this book, but reading it is kind of like eating cookies. In small doses, they can be enjoyable, but too much at once reduces the pleasure. I wasn't dissatisfied with my quick reading of the book, but I felt that a chapter or two at a time might be more fun. Overall, this is a clever and entertaining book, but only if you are amenable to Colbert's form of political satire.