In Praise of Stay-at-Home Moms
by Dr. Laura Schlessinger
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Book Reviews of In Praise of Stay-at-Home Moms
Book Review: Real Benefit of 2nd Income
Summary: 5 Stars
Ok, I know this is a bit technical but well worth deciphering. I'm glad to see it's risen to front page status, because parents need to make an informed decision. Please leave a comment to let me know what you think.
I am a CPA and have been a SAHM for 18 years. Many are shocked to know that I have skills and chose to stay at home. I have been puzzled for years why more couples haven't figured out how little of the 2nd income they keep, after taxes and day care. I figured it out years ago & like John Galt, checked out. I have talked many couples into having one stay at home, by explaining it from a financial perspective (not to mention all the other reasons, especially that you might as well sign up for a slew of ear infections & tubes in the ears, if you put a baby in daycare.)
It helps to understand how much of the second income you actually keep, on an after-tax basis. When your taxable income rises above $65,000 you are in a 25% FIT (federal income tax) rate. Add 7.5% for FICA and state & local taxes of 5%, leaving you with 62 cents of each additional dollar earned. Daycare can easily run be another 20%, plus the expenses of working outside the home (car, clothes, gas, eating out). So, if the second income causes taxable income to exceed $65,000, you may only be keeping 40 cents of each additional hard earned dollar. Not including the phase-out of the Child Tax Credit as AGI exceeds $110,000.
There is no question that whatever choice a mother makes, it is stressful. I think it's a matter of choice, which stress you choose. My conclusion is this was not a privilege, it was an obligation. It wasn't easier having 3 in less than 4 years. For my sanity, it would have been easier to drop them at daycare, however, I might have been paying to work with 3 in daycare, after taxes.
I am in awe of my kids, brings me to tears how well they're doing. My son is Valedictorian, is QB in football & center in basketball, my 15 year old daughter ran a 5:10 1600m and finished 6th in state for XC and my youngest ran a 5:32 in his first 1600m. I'm alone all day, every day from 7-5. I could easily get a job, but I don't want to miss a minute of the next couple years. I don't think it's worth it to bring home about half a dollar for each dollar earned, if takes any time away from my kids. Especially, if I have to turn around and give it to someone else to do things around the house. I'm focused on getting them into good colleges now. I remodeled our house, alongside my brother & own a 18V Ridgid tool set. I try to figure out and manage things myself around the house. I do enjoy it-painting, yardwork, iPhoto & iMovie, etc. I don't think I'll look back on life and say I wish I'd have worked more.
PS-If you want to read more about the pros of SAHMs, read the chapter-"The Most Important Story You'll Never See on TV", in Bernard Goldberg's "BIAS".
Book Review: Do you think you know everything about a Stay-At-Home Mom?
Summary: 5 Stars
To a previous commenter: How petty to talk about someone's clothing! That is the bitterness talking for sure!
I can't really rate this book yet, but I had to rate it somehow. I figured since I would rate her other books with five stars, I would rate this one with five stars, also.
I'm a woman with a lot of liberal views, yet I am conservative when it comes to family. I consider each issue, individually. I am going to buy this book! I am a stay-at-home-mom. Many may have perceptions of what kind of woman stays at home, so here is a little bit about me personally. I was raised by a SAHM who was lovely, nurturing, responsible and progressive, too! She graduated from university and was a public school teacher before my brother and I were born. She quit her job so that she would be free to be the most important person in our lives...MOM. She breast-fed us, made our baby food, taught us to read & to cook, took us to museums, exposed us to music and other cultures, encouraged us, and most of all, provided safety, comfort and stability.
I am now married to an amazing man who is my very best friend (my mom is my 2nd best friend). He supports our two kids and me in countless ways. He doesn't mind working hard to support us, because after work, he returns to his happy home. He pulls into the driveway knowing that the light is on and there is life in the house (sometimes a home-cooked meal...and sometimes takeout!). I care for and provide a home and security for our two children. We spend time together as a family and take the time out as a couple on the weekends. It is a wonderful life!
Trust me ladies, I know both sides of the coin. I used to work full-time in law-enforcement. It was shift-work. I loved the job, but was just miserable juggling schedules, having my kids in daycare, and not having time to spend together with my husband (we worked opposite each other to make our lives work...but was it really living?). The women who worked at the daycare were okay, but I don't think there is ANY child-care worker who will love and nurture your children like you do! I am MUCH happier since I quit in 2002. I feel so great because I not only have the time and energy to take care of my family and home, but I have time for my own pursuits (photography, reading, writing, cooking, friends, painting, exercise).
Do yourselves a favor. Give staying home a thought. Thankfully, we as women, have the freedom to choose!
Book Review: HUSBANDS: Buy this for your wife for Mother's Day
Summary: 5 Stars
Let me first point out that this book is "IN PRAISE OF SAHMS" so if you're not intersted in staying home with your kids..read something else. If you're looking for a pity party about how hard it is for SAHMs there are PLENTY of other books to choose from...this is an uplifting & reassuring book for the SAHM.
I wish that I had bought this book before my daughter was born. I have so many others (I was a good mother before I had kids, dirty little secrets..etc.)and the only things I've learned from those books are how difficult it is to stay at home & as a new mother I've already learned that.
HUSBANDS!!!: This would make a great gift for Mother's Day for your SAH wife. The book is a quick read (great for new moms) & is very uplifting as well as reassuring. We know that we're doing the right thing but a change in perspective & a little encouragement goes a long way! If you give this to your wife with a simple "thank you for being a great wife to me & wonderful mother to our children" you may very well get LUCKY that evening. Add in some chocolate & wine & she's a sure thing!!
This book really helped me learn how to deal with family/friends that are always criticizing me about my choice to stay home. I've heard everything from how "lucky" I am to be able to stay home to "your baby will never make it in daycare b/c you pay too much attention to her." Dr. Laura made me realize how proud I am to have made a "choice" to stay with my daughter & that what I do each and every day will affect her for the rest of her life...even the little things.
I should mention that not all of Dr. Laura's advice was for me...she's a little old-fashioned but most of the advice I took to heart.I'm a 34 year old first-time mother & try to look my best at the end of the day & have dinner on the table but, come on now!! I cook my hubby dinner 3-4 days & try to wipe off the spit-up from my shirt before he walks in the door!! Sometimes I may even use the razor that's in the shower but let's not get crazy. We've both learned to compromise.
This book is a MUST-READ for Moms that are choosing to stay with their children. We got pregnant & labored to have these beautiful children, so we should be the ones to raise them. For the working mothers...I don't think you would be reading this if you weren't thinking about staying with your children. This book will make the SAHM realize how invaluable she is to her husband & most of all to her children.
Book Review: Terrific, but a bit harsh on the working mom.
Summary: 4 Stars
Having been both a work-outside-the-home mom longer than I've been a stay-at-home mom, I can relate to both sides of this "issue".
While she claims to "come to praise at-home moms, not to bury full-time working moms", Dr. Laura's position is clear: stay at home moms are better. And, throughout the book, she does just that, praise stay-at-home moms. I did feel that she was hard on working moms and has the assumption that every woman who works has made the choice to work, and that if they just made more sacrifices it would be better. Sometimes that just isn't possible and working is necessary for some. And mothers who work from necessity do what they can to minimize the negative impacts on their children.
Dr. Laura talks about her own decision to stay home with her son, although she worked part-time and was able to manage it so that she and her husband took care of their son, rather than daycare. She's pretty harsh on daycare situations, which really bothered me. Perhaps an institutionalized childcare setting isn't ideal, and yes, parental influence should be the most important. However, her opinions on daycare situations were very generalized, in that all daycare is bad. I have to disagree. Do I wish I could have been with my children every moment of their infancy? Yes. Are they deficient in some way because I wasn't? No. They are happy, intelligent, well-adjusted children. Their in-home daycare provider was a blessing to us and is still a very dear friend.
As far as society goes, the influence of an involved, attentive parent is important. Having moral values influenced and reinforced at home is necessary. Can those things be done with working parents? Absolutely. Are working mothers the ideal? That depends on your personal situation and opinion. I did appreciate the praise and the pat on the back that Dr. Laura give SAHMs. Staying at home isn't easy, and often, it requires sacrifices of time and money, but I am very grateful that I am able to be home now.
I think that this is a terrific book. I think that SAHMs should read it, and I think their husbands should read it too. I also think it's a perfect book for women who stay at home, but feel inadequate and defensive about it. There are anecdotes and listener experiences and straight-forward Dr. Laura advice and opinions. I understand her purpose for the book and I applaud it.
Book Review: OK for the target audience, with reservation
Summary: 4 Stars
E Thayer (USA: IN) (2011/01/07):
I enjoyed this book, with the exception of the too-frequent use of the term "feminazis" and combative tone. Dr. Schlessinger makes many good points and gives any devoted mother a shot in the arm of confidence that her work matters. This is so important, to get reinforcement for our choices on a regular basis, because there is very little most environments -- or at least, I should say that have found very little.
We know from scientific research that a mother raising her children results in less violence from her offspring, and that this is a lasting change. Of course there are a multitude of benefits that spring from that one effect, from fewer people being jailed and a more productive society, to less violence in the next generation, since negative cycles don't have a chance to be begun, let alone perpetuated.
I also enjoyed the novel idea that stay-at-home parents are beneficial to the economy right where they are. If you have a smaller labor pool, wages should increase, according to the law of supply and demand. A smaller labor pool would be to the benefit of the economy as a whole, especially during recessions. My husband and I are both advocates of having at least one parent available full time for the children. Although this book is geared towards women, I don't judge as to whether it should be the mother or the father. Hopefully we are making progress in treating men and women as equals in all their choices. A parent with a flexible schedule and who places a priority on parenting reduces stress on everyone, and if there's one thing today's families need -- it's less stress.
I'd give this book four stars. As I mentioned before, Dr. Schlessinger's attitude towards working mothers and single mothers isn't friendly. I can't recommend it without reserve -- even it's target audience needs to approach it aware of her prejudice.