Life with My Sister Madonna
by Christopher Ciccone, Wendy Leigh
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Book Reviews of Life with My Sister Madonna
Book Review: Sibling Rivalry, Ciccone Style
Summary: 3 Stars
I think that Christopher Ciccone is a talented man with a lot to offer. I appreciate his account of sibling rivalry/intersibling conflict. Few people seem to understand the devastating affect siblings can have on each other; most accounts of familial conflict focus on the parent-child relationship, not the sister-to-brother, brother-to-brother, sister-to-sister dynamics.
I do have reservations about Christopher's story, however. He seems to downplay his "recreational drug" usage. I don't know where the fine line is drawn between recreational use and addiction. As a person who has had two destructive psychotic episodes (the first due to medical malpractice and the second due to cold-turkey withdrawal from a strong medication with known health risks), I would never willingly alter my consciousness in such a Russian Roulette manner. Yet I understand that drug usage is more complicated than heavy-handed, unhelpful judgment, and I have compassion for those who struggle with addictions. On the other hand, I don't think it's fair for Madonna to dismiss Christopher's grievances against her as stemming from his drug usage or denials of addiction.
The book really wasn't much of a shocker, other than the confirmation that Madonna is not yet enlightened, no matter what she may claim. If she says something that actually makes sense (IMHO, she says a lot of things that don't make sense!), then she won't apply this wisdom by treating people with respect and consideration. After reading this book, I just have to point out the hypocrisy between pretending to be enlightened and then treating people like crap. Yet I give her full credit for charity work in Africa, bringing a forsaken country to worldwide attention. Christopher speculates whether her commitment is in part due to her need to keep up with the Jolies. If she is going to play the Mother Teresa part, then she will eclipse all other celebrity humanitarians. Well, maybe, but so what? She's still positively impacting the lives of impoverished Malawians, and I applaud her for it. Perhaps the road to heaven is paved with dubious intentions. I'll be honest, I started volunteering in part due to my admiration of Princess Diana's active compassion and wanted to emulate this flawed heroine. I can hardly keep up with the Spencers, but you get the idea that people are influenced by each other and imitate each other.
I don't get Madonna. After reading this book, she still remains the same enigma she was before I opened this 342-page book, replete with family photographs. Losing your mother at such a young age must have been horrible; she and Christopher both have my compassion for their loss. Though my mom and I get into tiffs somewhat regularly, she is still one of my best friends. I couldn't imagine life without her. Christopher makes it clear that Joan, their stepmother, never mistreated them and went out of her way to take care of them. Madonna apparently resents having someone try to take the place of her mother and played up the Cinderella Syndrome.
Even though Madonna has nothing but my compassion for her early loss, that loss does not give her carte blanche to do whatever she wants to whomever she wants. Just because she was hurt at an early age doesn't mean that she can rationalize treating others badly, if that is what she is doing unconsciously. I don't know. As I said, I don't get her. According to this book, she certainly has treated her brother as though he's dispensable, there for her ready convenience when he's of use to her.
Also, what a miserly mindset! My brother and I have quite a history between us, but he'd want for nothing if I had millions. He wouldn't have to decorate my house in order for me to dole him out a bit of money if he was between a rock and a hard place. Nor would my sister, brother-in-law, sister-in-law, parents, cousins, aunts, or uncles. That's what you do for family. I'm saying this theoretically, as I don't have millions, but if I ever do, I hope that I will follow through with this sentiment because I just think sharing with your family is the right thing to do. And I'd actually enjoy providing for them, as I love giving presents at Christmas that my family members actually want. It's a pleasure to see someone's face light up when you give him or her something you know s/he will enjoy. (For example, I recently sent my uncle (through marriage), who just lost his mother, a DVD of a French movie called Tous les Matins du Monde (All the Mornings of the World). We had seen this movie together years ago when I was an undergraduate. It features the lives of two composers of the viola da gamba, and my uncle briefly took lessons on this cousin-to-the-cello. To hear his heartfelt thanks on my voicemail repaid for the gift many times over.) Stephen Covey talks about the scarcity mentality versus the abundance mentality in his book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. I don't know whether Madonna is suffering from the scarcity mentality in several aspects of her life.
Ever since informally converting to Unitarian Universalism, I've enjoyed attending services. To the best of my knowledge, the U.U.'s don't make million-dollar demands on their adherents' pocketbooks. Christopher Reeve, a celebrity U.U. and personal inspiration, appreciated that this congregation never pressured him for money. Admittedly, I'm an outsider looking in, but I don't get why Madonna has given the Kabbalah Synagogue millions of dollars. It's her money and she can spend it how she will, but she shouldn't have to pay outrageous sums of money to learn about the Kabbalah. But I don't know the whole situation, so I should just reserve judgment on this extravagant expenditure of the otherwise tight-fisted Madonna.
I wish both siblings well. I hope that they will sincerly reconcile in the near future, without blame and defensiveness. My own brother and I are well on are way to reconciliation and are getting along better than ever. We're not 100% yet, but we're so much better than we used to be. If he and I can work through our garbage and issues (and believe me, our issues are the stuff of Faulkner and Pat Conroy fiction), I think that many other dysfunctional intersibling relationships can heal as well.
I'm glad that I borrowed this book from the library, as I'm not likely to reread it. I think that Christopher is a talented man, but his theme of jumping into new artistic ventures without any formal training may have worked in other areas of his life, but I think he needs more experience and guidance with his writing. He has real potential, but in my opinion, this memoir could have been improved upon if he had taken writing courses at the college level and bounced off ideas/collaborated with established writers before publishing Life with My Sister Madonna.
Book Review: Finally something worth reading about Madonna.. Just!
Summary: 3 Stars
I'm certainly not pulling any punches writing this review of Christopher's book. Neither am I going to take what he's written as absolute trash. In true form of fairness his book is neither spectacular nor obscure. It says everything to all the wrong people and nothing to all the right people. Let's be honest and realistic about this book, it's been aimed at an "audience" in addition to being an instant bestseller due to the fact that the author can genuinely claim to have first hand knowledge of it's subject matter. This is true and proves to be entertaining - for a while - at least.
The book starts with Christopher and Madonna as equals - only 27 months apart (why he can't just say she's 2 years his elder is anyone's guess?) They are two children who like many people, have lost A parent at an early stage in life and are left with another parent trying to bring up his children. From this point onwards the author describes every incidental detail about his sister and her relationship with both the family and her biological and adopted parents. No big surprises there. They have their ups and downs like any other family. Madonna seems to know how to survive whilst Christopher never seems to know what he wants from life, trailing any muse that happens to linger for more than a few moments. This is a theme that continues for the duration of the book, Madonna bitching, fighting and demanding what she deserves. In contrast we see Christopher hanging on to every move Madonna makes and from his teenage years onwards, jumping every time she says so. This is not a pretty sight and not particularly inductive of sympathy towards the author.
Most people with any sense know and have seen proof of Madonna's attitude towards life and people in general - she's no pushover and could most certainly be described as a bitch at times as well as caring and human. Big deal, and no big surprise there. Without realising it, Christopher tells a story of two siblings - one plagued with guilt and a sense of loyalty and the other with a sense of reality. The two don't gel well, especially as Madonna matures while Christopher continues to live his L.A lifestyle by celebrity association, continues with childish pursuits and alienates himself from his sister by refusing to grow up and see himself as a mature man who happens to be homosexual instead of "Madonna's gay brother." A fact which he seems inexplicably unable to escape from, despite constant physiological support (paid for by his sister.) This is an autobiography by someone who has been close to Madonna for much of his life. He tells a lot of stories about himself and a lot of stories about Madonna. None of them any different to the kind of lives most of us who aren't starving are living ourselves.
It's true that he tells a lot of very personal stories about Madonna during her early years as an artist - and these are very insightful - but also no new news and quite unsurprising. The trouble is - without seeming to realise it he actually documents Madonna's maturing from adolescence through being an independent woman to being a caring mother, who despite her iron image has the odd flicker of guilt and represses this by being beneficial to many charities.
It's plain to see how Christopher resents his sister throughout the book. The best he can manage in his early 20's is selling jeans in a Yew York store, even then he wouldn't have been doing that without his sister pulling him towards the big city, if she hadn't pushed him, he'd probably be fitting tyres to this day in some obscure Detroit factory and repressing his homosexuality by beating up on more insightful and feeling guys than himself. It seems she gave him one opportunity too many after another to make a life for himself - to pull away - break away from her and be his own artist in his own right; and time after time, she pulls him out of his funk and gives him opportunities. He meets all the right people, ends up in all the right places and still he doesn't seem to be able to stand on his own two feet without what he calls her "shadow". Finally after 20 years, Madonna seems tired and can take little more from him. Yet she still doesn't abandon him. Still gives him the opportunities that most people never get. At the end of all this we get the feeling that it all comes down to money. He regularly does various drugs - she doesn't. She has lots of money - he doesn't. By the end of the book, you feel that he's just making one pettier attempt to extract money from his sister's hard work instead of doing something himself to make a name for himself without her association - so that he doesn't have to go back to the cheaper and less exciting "Key bumps" of coke and can continue to do "lines" instead. To give him credit, he does tell stories of life close to Madonna which will appeal to the fans. But generally, he's not saying anything that we didn't already know or suspect. Within hours of finishing the book (which spends the last quarter completely misunderstanding the British male mentality and bitching about money) you get the feeling that it's just another way of exploiting Madonna (who definitely DOES NOT "walk on water") and her fame in order to buy enough coke to last over the next six months. In retrospect, this book is basically pink fluff writing about its experiences with red and white fluff!
The best thing that can be said about this book is that it may well inspire a few Madonna fanatics to get a life instead of following and emulating hers. I give it 3 stars because it generally evens out the balance - despite the fact that it's littered with spelling mistakes, factual errors, and cultural misunderstandings. It does lead one to believe that, even as a casual reader, the author really hasn't a clue what he's writing about. Which goes to prove that nobody knows Madonna quite like Madonna - and she's not telling - so there! That's what Madonna has always done - shown everything yet told you nothing. Her brother is no exception.
Book Review: Slightly Interesting, But Mostly a Sad Story
Summary: 2 Stars
I have been a Madonna fan since the beginning of her career. I was known as the Madonna chick when I was a teenager, I emulated her to the fullest and had a great time. I am a big fan, but I promised myself not to let that get in the way of my view of the book. I knew Christopher was always in the background, just like he was in the "Lucky Star" video, dancing away.
As far as a writer and Christopher's ability to tell a story, his story, he did not do a very good job, if that is what he wanted to express, his LIFE with his sister.
I didn't feel emotionally drawn into Christopher by way of his writing, like the main character in any story, non-fiction or not.
His writing about Madonna and himself was not rich or vivid, so when you get to a paragraph about how cold and calculated and uncaring Madonna is, it is not that interesting and didn't deliver the emotional blow that he intended.
He barely touches on their past growing up in Michigan. He just skims over her (their) beginnings in New York.
The most interesting part of the book was how the death of their mother affected the family, particularly Madonna. It is as though Madonna's mother was this distant angel who meant so much to them, who they both still desperately need love and approval from. A beautiful person, inside and out. Very religious. And later, how hard it was to accept Joan as their step-mother and the dynamics of that relationship.
From the start of the book, all the way through it's like Madonna and Christopher never had any *real* conversations at all, which seems really unlikely! Of course until they start fighting, then he says word for word what was said, but when you get to that point in a chapter, it's not amusing or interesting to read. I don't think he (perhaps the writer Wendy?)put enough work into drawing a picture of himself and what he went thorough. The book goes into the nastiness of their relationship really quickly and hangs there for chapter after chapter until we are drained and not in a good way!
I liked hearing the stories about how he directed her shows and the places they went and what they saw, but when Christopher takes the reader into a dark place, it is hard to care because so little is written about himself in the beginning, as well as Madonna, and their true relationship... But... I think there is a reason for this.. read between the lines. Christopher acknowledges the fact that Madonna helped make him who he is a LOT in the book. About being thankful and grateful to her for all the opportunities she has given him. There are praises galore to Madonna throughout. I think he made sure to praise her so much, just in case Madonna does read the book! The result is that he never goes TOO deep into their relationship or history together at all. I think he really wants to be close with her again. But, how could she forgive him for writing this book? Read it! It's obvious he truly loves her and is withholding a lot of information. Add it all up and the final result of a fairly uninteresting book, unless you are a long time fan, and you will learn more about where she grew up.
I work for a man that sounds just like the Madonna that Christopher draws. It's clear that Christopher is still very hurt and sad about the break-up of his relationship with Madonna. He hates to love her and loves to hate her. Honestly, I feel horrible for Christopher but not because of how he portrayed himself in the book! She has so completely hurt him mentally. He can't be really honest about Madonna because he is still afraid of her. This book is more about what he doesn't say than what he does say. I think Christopher is afraid of the reaction he would get from Madonna *if* he went into greater detail and exposed more about their relationship, or her personal life. It's easy to tell that he is holding back a lot. I think he did so, just in case she actually reads this book.
Christopher said just enough to sell books and the sheer fact of doing so, helped him to get back at her for all the pain she caused him. But he was sure to not say so much as to keep them from mending fences.
At the end of the book, Christopher explains that he is in therapy and that writing this book was part of the healing and recovery process. I truly believe that. Seems to me that 50% of this book was written in retaliation and to recoup some money she owes him (and yes, I don't care how much you may love Madonna, she should have paid him for all the work he did designing her homes, directing her shows, being her personal assistant, dressing her and helping her come up with some of the best and most unforgettable highlights if her career) and the other 50% was for the therapeutic experience.
Two stars for a book that was not written as well as I would have liked, but five stars to Christopher for the therapeutic experience!
Book Review: It's Probably All True Until the End of the Book......
Summary: 4 Stars
First, a generalized statement: The book was riveting, I couldn't put it down, I read it in one day, yada, yada, yada, just like everyone else. But the Million Dollar Question is, obviously, Is Christopher Telling the Truth? The short answer is that we will never REALLY know. But the long answer is OF COURSE he is telling the truth - that is until he is no longer able to clearly see and assess the situation he's in.
A bit of emotional context setting is in order before the Truth question can be discussed: There is no possible way that Christopher can ever understand the living reality of being Madonna and the life she lives, even if he is her brother. Even if he is her closest sibling. Even if he was there with her in the beginning. Even if he was an integral part of the first 15 or so years of her career and even dressed her nude body between songs on stage. Likewise, there is no possible way that Madonna can ever fully understand the living reality of being "Madonna's Brother" and the life he lives, even if she is his sister, etc., etc., etc. And here lies the stalemate between the two.
Thus, Christopher's book is to be read with a measure of sympathy for both "characters." It is also to be read as a written stepping stone or therapeutical healing action in the life of a person who is desperately trying to understand his own life in light (and shadow) of arguably the biggest superstar to inhabit this planet. For this, Christopher cannot be faulted. His adult life has been lived in a public arena (even if by choice) and he has a right to untangle his life in the same venue.
Now, back to Truth: The problem with Christoper's story is distance. In EVERYONE'S life hindsight is 20/20. Unfortunately, as the story begins to focus in on the last few years of relationship between Madonna and Christopher (both personal and professional), there just can't be enough 20/20 hindsight to make his story, observations, and analysis ring true with the wisdom and insight that the passing of time brings.
The most damning evidence to prove this point is the tasteless publishing of personal faxes and emails exchanged between Christopher and Madonna. They read like any other sibling arguments - fights that ususally, with time, diminish or become clearer as to the reasons for disagreement. In other words, the heat of the battle passes and we calm down enough to realize we said things to one another that we shouldn't - and then we forgive one another (at least for the fire and brimstone), even if the forgiveness is silently understood. But Christopher's insistence upon making sure that everyone (i.e. the entire world) reads these emails is just a way of holding onto the flames and fire. This holding on is a sign that he is angry with his sister and wants to make her look bad, either as some kind of punishment or in retaliation - or perhaps as a cry for help and forgiveness from her.
The other factor that makes the slow march toward the end of this book become more and more questionable is Christopher's drug use, which he openly and honestly admits to (albeit he keeps pleading that his drug use is recreational, and therefore, should not be an issue for Madonna.) Except that his drug use obviously IS an issue for her. This message is sent by Madonna to Christopher over and over in the book. And I hate to say it, but she's probably correct.....The drug user cannot see the situation clearly anymore, and is always apt to protest repeatedly that he can. Even recreational drug users, who often times really aren't recreational users but think that they are.
Christopher's drug use (and the celebrity-heavy friendships and lifestyle that accompany it) make his side of the story questionable for even the outside reader, much less his sister, Madonna, who is by nature a driven perfectionist. No perfectionist wants to leave details involving her stage show or interior home decorating to a drug user, even a recreational drug user who happens to be her brother. That Christopher cannot see this reality is more proof that the end of this book is off-kilter and not to be read in the light of absolute truth-telling.
These observations aside, the book was thoroughly enjoyable-especially if you've always wanted to know facts and stories about Madonna that would never have seen the light of day. It's also an easy read. And finally, like most everyone else is saying, none of what has been revealed about Madonna comes as a surprise (in terms of her personality) and none of it really affects the adoration of a true fan, like myself. Madonna fans are not traitors for reading this book. If anything (and Christopher would laugh and agree), this book makes you hunger even more for Madonna, which is likely exactly what she wants from us. In the end, as Christopher always observes throughout the story, it's always about Madonna. Sorry, Christopher.
Book Review: Love Don't Live Here Anymore??
Summary: 4 Stars
Having been a HUGE Madonna fan for years, I am trying to write a review that is a fair perspective for both parties involved.
Madonna has the people she works with sign a confidentiality contract agreeing they will not discuss her or anything about her life, Christopher obviously never signed one of these.
The book is a fast, good read. Christopher takes us in to Madonnaland and at times you feel as if you are standing right next to him as all these different scenarios are occuring. For as much as he did tell, one knows right away he left alot out. Reports surfaced after the release of this book with Christopher stating that due to legal advice he was forced to remove certain parts.
He paints Madonna as a controlling, demanding, self centered, egotistical, fame and money hungry machine that cannot stop and will say and do anything to get to the top and stay there. These "qualities" were actually part of her appeal, especially in the 90's. The problem isn't that money and fame brought this on, money and fame only fueled these things which were already present in her long before she got famous.
What we have is a dysfunctional love between brother and sister. Madonna's behavior towards Christopher and others is abusive: mentally, emotionally, verbally, but he still comes back for more. There had to be some part of him that was willing to put up with a certain amount or any amount of s**t from her, because he was right by her side riding the fame waves in the material world.
Madonna's behavior is at best sometimes questionable and can be downright offensive to readers with any heart at all. Like the time Christopher was having heart issues in the hospital. Instead of going to be with him, she called him and told him to not worry about coming to rehearsals. Or the fact that she will only send an aging relative five hundred dollars a month, yet will funnel millions into her Kabbalah programme. It is her money and she can do with it what she wishes, but often one gets the feeling that it is never enough for her and that she feels that she is going to take it with her when she dies.
There were a couple more instances that Madonna was just plain out of line concerning her brother: for instance the paintings she had him buy with his money that she usually pays him back for. Upon spending most of his savings and getting her paintings, she didn't want them anymore. So he was out his savings and he had to resell the paintings at half cost.
Madonna's refusal to come to her brother's defense concerning Guy and his attitude is also shocking. Guy apparently doesn't like Christopher and really doesn't like gays. This is very odd considering Madonna built a better part of her career around gay men: their underground dancing(voguing), their lifestyle and using them in her documentaries and as backup dancers for her concerts. In fact, her Confessions tour was the first time she did not have one single gay dancer on tour with her.
It is interesting to also note that during her wedding to Guy, which Christopher did NOT want to attend but was forced to by M, he and his friends spent the nights making fun of gays. Not once did Madonna defend her brother and she acted at one point as if she didn't know what was transpiring between Guy and her brother.
Madonna also never paid Christopher what he was worth, this seems to be one of his biggest issues with her. Christopher also feels left out, left in the dust when Madonna finally settles down with Guy. While I understand Christopher's point of view, I also got the sense that had Madonna never married or settled down with anyone, C would still be there at her side.
Madonna is who she is. People can say what they want about her or her brother, but the truth is NO ONE could achieve her fame and success and NOT be changed in some way, whether good or bad. I highly doubt these two will be reconciling anytime soon. I am sure Madonna is fuming over this book, and I am sure that Christopher does miss her and also misses the priviledged lifestyle that comes along with being her brother. He misses what they once had, despite being treated so poorly.
Bottom Line: Madonna never recovered from her mother's death at an early age and this has been the catalyst to keep her going. Her career did and always will come first before anyone, including her children and her marriage. She is the only multi millionaire who feels the need to keep working and chooses not to be with her children full time. The love of her life has been her fame and success and always will be. Nobody in her life will ever stand a chance or be able to fairly compete with this. Christopher is sore at her for many things and rightly so, but mostly he misses being a passenger on the Madonna jaggernaut that will never stop rolling.