Secrets of the Baby Whisperer: How to Calm, Connect, and Communicate with Your Baby
by Melinda Blau, Tracy Hogg
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Book Summary Information
Author: Melinda Blau, Tracy HoggEdition: Mass Market Paperback
Audio: English (Unknown); English (Original Language); English (Published)
Published: 2005-07-26
ISBN: 0345479092
Number of pages: 352
Publisher: Ballantine Books
Product features:
- ISBN13: 9780345479099
- Condition: New
- Notes: BRAND NEW FROM PUBLISHER! 100% Satisfaction Guarantee. Tracking provided on most orders. Buy with Confidence! Millions of books sold!
- Health o Meter HDC100-01 "Grow with Me" Teddy Bear Scale for Babies and Toddlers
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Book Reviews of Secrets of the Baby Whisperer: How to Calm, Connect, and Communicate with Your Baby
Book Review: Great sounding but WRONG advice which I deeply regret following
Summary: 1 Stars
I wish I'd known then what I know now. This book should have been called "Lies of a Glorified Nanny: How to Frustrate, Alienate and Malnourish Your Baby." Much of its advice is scientifically and psychologically wrong and goes directly against the recommendations of the AAP. So parents must ask: even if these methods "work," are they HEALTHY? The answer is no. You can get the same results from much better books (like Weissbluth and Pantley). I am not a fan of "attachment parenting" either, which is at the opposite extreme, but at least that method ensures that all your baby's needs are met, unlike this one.
Most babies unless they're colicky will adapt to pretty much anything, which is what I think accounts for the rave reviews of this book. A coworker gave me this book and raved about it. I had a very positive opinion of it while pregnant, and used Hogg's "E.A.S.Y. routine" for about 3 months. Unfortunately, our baby had acid reflux (causing extreme colic) and I had post-partum depression. I believe that following the advice in this book made things much worse than they otherwise would have been.
I shouldn't have been hung up on following this or any other "methodology" out there. I should have trusted my own instincts more and been more flexible. So I take responsibility for how I allowed this book to negatively affect our family. But for the benefit of others who are considering reading it, I want to point out some of the wrong things in this book that I didn't know when I read it.
1) The author has no baby care credentials other than being a nanny. The only reason she got to publish a book is that she became a popular nanny for some famous actors in Hollywood. Her other so-called credentials are fabricated. She left her two young daughters back in England to move here, which to me is more than enough of a reason to reject her parenting advice. Her life and her book make it clear that she views child-rearing as a "disruption." She claims that "by taking the proper steps, babies don't have to be disruptive. You should be able to lead a normal life." ("Cries and Whispers," Newsweek 2001 - available on their website). This false premise that you can live like you did before having a baby is, I think, the foundation for all the wrong things in the book. It's not possible to do that without either neglecting or having someone else take care of your baby. She is also contradicting herself because in the book she stresses the need to be prepared for way your life will radically change with a baby.
I didn't know any of this when I read it. I naively believed that a book like this wouldn't be published if it contained irresponsible information in it that could be harmful to babies. Now I know better; the #1 baby book in the U.S. from 1894-1940 had strict instructions not to kiss or cuddle your baby, or play with them before 4 months old, and other bad advice. The premise of Hogg's book sounds great, and the things she first writes about, such as treating your baby like a person, and slowing down to focus on baby care, are things everyone can agree on. That along with her friendly "British nanny" writing style, and high praise from famous people, are likely to make a new parent mistakenly think that the rest of her advice is sound.
2) The E.A.S.Y. routine. The basis of it is to feed your baby only every 3 hours, although the details are a lot more complicated than that and certainly not easy. The main problems with it are:
- It is totally unnecessary. Numerous scientific studies show that infant sleep patterns are not related to food at all. The timing of feedings does NOT matter to babies' developing sleep patterns! The E.A.S.Y. routine--which was developed by Hogg in her role as a NANNY, not a parent--is only for the adults' benefit, so they can have a predictable schedule. And even that can backfire, since a lot of babies will eat a lot of food in a couple of hours and then sleep for 4-5 hours, which is better for the parents than if they were waking every 3 hours.
- It is NOT intuitive; I spent lots of unnecessary time and energy keeping logs/charts/schedules etc to try to follow it. She actually had to write a second book in order to clarify it because so many readers were confused about it --The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems: Sleeping, Feeding, and Behavior--Beyond the Basics from Infancy Through Toddlerhood--and yes, I read that one too! In that one, she even admits that the E.A.S.Y. routine isn't actually easy, because so many parents had problems with it.
- It can really cause problems with a colicky baby, and/or if you are breastfeeding. With colicky babies, sometimes the only soothing thing for them is suckling, which in her book isn't allowed between feedings (and neither are swings). You're supposed to start the routine when the baby's three days old, but sometimes breastmilk doesn't come in for over a week! My milk never really came in, and if I hadn't been trying to keep to a strict routine, especially as far apart as 3 hours, it probably would have helped my milk production. I never got more than 2 oz at a time. Three different lactation nurses at three different visits said that the baby and I were doing everything right. I was pumping frequently with a hospital machine. I tried everything one can try, including that special tea, except simply feeding her more often. My baby had failure to thrive so I ended up having to stop trying to breastfeed after 4 weeks, and go to hypoallergenic formula. Other reviewers have also said their babies had failure to thrive while on the E.A.S.Y. routine. NOT GOOD!
3) Hogg says that you must "start as you mean to go on"--that you must put your baby on the routine you want them to have when they are older. If you "coddle" your baby by letting them sleep on you, eat more frequently, etc. you will not be able to get them into a more manageable routine when they are older. Of course having no experience with children, this made total sense to me. But it is absolutey untrue. Newborns are VERY different from 3 month olds. And babies are VERY different from 1 and 2 year olds. Their needs are completely different, and their habits are completely different. Not giving your newborn a routine does NOT mean they can't get on a routine when they are older. She calls this lack of routine "accidental parenting," but when it comes to the health and happiness of a newborn, being an "accidental" parent is far better than using the E.A.S.Y. routine.
4) Hogg says that it's imperative to respond immediately to babies whenever they cry, no matter what. If you don't do this, you are being a bad parent, and breaking your baby's trust in you. She stresses this repeatedly throughout the book. Well, after reading information from the AAP, and talking to our pediatrician, my counselor and other parents, I finally learned this was totally false--even pediatricians know it's not true. It felt like the weight of the universe had been lifted off my shoulders! I've never liked the "cry-it-out" approach. But Hogg's advice is too extreme on the other end of the spectrum, and just as bad. With a colicky baby, they are going to cry almost no matter what you do; with ours it was about every 30 minutes. And if you can't get a break, you get no sleep, which impairs your parenting ability, and in many cases (like mine) also your mental health. Believing that every cry had to be attended to immediately caused me to be much more stressed and anxious and guilty than I would otherwise have been. This is in no small part because she gives a bunch of other advice that is likely to cause a baby to cry (unless they're very mellow), such as only feeding every 3 hours, having them only ever sleep in a crib, and putting them down as soon as they stop crying. It's a very stressful Catch-22. The scene of my weeks-old baby lying in her crib screaming, when I could have just picked her up and let her lie with me and nursed her and she would have stopped, still plays in my mind. Oh and by the way, Hogg's soothing methods did not work at all for us. They were just frustrating and exhausting.
5) Hogg compartmentalizes babies into various "types" like Angel, Grumpy, etc. This never sat well with me. I don't like the idea of pigeon-holing a child like that, especially not so early on when they're still developing and they could be very different in a year or so. I couldn't in the least tell what personality my baby had, because she was just in pain most of the time! And it's not even necessary; you will naturally pick up what works best with your baby without having to sequester them into a category and then read a chart on how to handle babies in that category. Hogg also says this personality in your baby is what they will have throughout their lifetime. But that is certainly not true either. I'd have labeled my baby Grumpy, whereas at 2 1/2 she'd be in the Angel category if I had to choose.
6) One of the big selling points of the book is the section on interpreting a baby's cries. But it didn't help me much, and a lot of other better books say the same things about how to interpret crying. (If you really want to correctly interpret your baby's cries, get the DVD set Dunstan Baby Language--Learn the universal language of newborn babies. I started using it at the tail end of when it works--for babies up to 3 months old--but I remember the surprised look on my baby's face when I gave her exactly what she needed right away!)
7) Overall, this book gives the impression that you have no internal resources for caring for a child and that you need detailed schedules and charts to follow for every aspect of life with a baby. Obviously some aspects of basic baby care do have to be learned and aren't instinctive. But Hogg's book goes beyond basic baby care and advises many things that are unnecessary at best and damaging at worst. This can easily make new parents feel less confident and more guilty and anxious, which they probably feel too much of already without a book adding to it. She may have written that parents should follow their instincts, but the fact that she felt the need to give such overly detailed instructions shows that she didn't really think parents actually do have instincts. The small bits of sound advice in the book are nothing more than stuff that any good parent could tell you, and that you'd probably do naturally anyway; basic common-sense stuff.
I am sure, looking back, that if I hadn't gotten so caught up in trying to follow any particular prescribed method,our whole family would have enjoyed those first few months together more. So here's MY advice, especially for the research-aholics out there like me: Don't get totally gung-ho or self-righteous about any one parenting method or "plan" before your baby is born (or even after)! Every baby and every family is different, and a mix of approaches is usually what people end up doing.
P.S. For a basic, non-gimmicky baby care reference guide, get the wonderful Baby 411, 2nd Edition: Clear Answers & Smart Advice for Your Baby's First Year (Baby 411: Clear Answers and Smart Advice for Your Baby's First Year).
More Secrets of the Baby Whisperer: How to Calm, Connect, and Communicate with Your Baby reviews:
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Summary of Secrets of the Baby Whisperer: How to Calm, Connect, and Communicate with Your Baby
?TRACY HOGG HAS GIVEN PARENTS A GREAT GIFT?the ability to develop early insight into their child?s temperament.??Los Angeles Family
When Tracy Hogg?s Secrets of the Baby Whisperer was first published, it soared onto bestseller lists across the country. Parents everywhere became ?whisperers? to their newborns, amazed that they could actually communicate with their baby within weeks of their child?s birth. Tracy gave parents what for some amounted to a miracle: the ability to understand their baby?s every coo and cry so that they could tell immediately if the baby was hungry, tired, in real distress, or just in need of a little TLC. Tracy also dispelled the insidious myth that parents must go sleepless for the first year of a baby?s life?because a happy baby sleeps through the night. Now you too can benefit from Tracy?s more than twenty years? experience. In this groundbreaking book, she shares simple, accessible programs in which you will learn:
? E.A.S.Y.?how to get baby to eat, play, and sleep on a schedule that will make every member of the household?s life easier and happier.
? S.L.O.W.?how to interpret what your baby is trying to tell you (so you don?t try to feed him when he really wants a nap).
? How to identify which type of baby yours is?Angel, Textbook, Touchy, Spirited, or Grumpy?and then learn the best way to interact with that type.
? Tracy?s Three Day Magic?how to change any and all bad habits (yours and the baby?s) in just three days.
At the heart of Tracy?s simple but profound message: treat the baby as you would like to be treated yourself. Reassuring, down-to-earth, and often flying in the face of conventional wisdom, Secrets of the Baby Whisperer promises parents not only a healthier, happier baby but a more relaxed and happy household as well.
From the Trade Paperback edition.
The last thing new parents can find time for is quiet reading, so many helpful books on infant care rely on bullet points and a "let's get to the point" writing style. Tracy Hogg, a neonatal nurse, teacher, and mother of two, uses these techniques to good effect in Secrets of the Baby Whisperer. Focusing on newborns and their parents, her simple programs are a blend of intelligent intuition and methods based on years of experience. The first half of the book is devoted to E.A.S.Y--her name for creating a structured daily routine for you and your baby that makes the most of your baby's awake times and also leaves time just for you. These concepts aren't designed to force your bundle of joy into not following her body's needs, but rather to create a feasible middle ground between total rigidity and on-demand food and sleep (and no time for mom to shower). If it still strikes you as too regimented, keep reading. The author makes room for differences in personal style and includes short quizzes to determine whether you're a "planner" or a "winger", and what level of daily structure you are likely to find helpful. In the same chapter, she identifies five general temperaments of infants, how to get an accurate feel for yours, and what methods of care are likely to be the most effective for his temperament. Her statement that babies prefer routine is backed up by research from the University of Denver. While most of the book relies on anecdotes to get the points across, Hogg does find room to back up some of her statements with quotes from various researchers and institutions. Included at the end of the book are assurances that E.A.S.Y. can be followed even with a colicky baby or one who's been ruling the roost for the first few months. Frustrated parents might like to read the last page first: "all the baby-whispering advice in the world is useless unless you're having a good time being a parent" is an excellent reminder to enjoy this time with all of its ups and downs. --Jill Lightner
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