Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving
by Betty Dodson
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Book Reviews of Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving
Book Review: Narcissism for One
Summary: 3 Stars
After reading this book, I came to the conclusion that this is probably a very useful "self-help manual" (pun intended) for one of two basic personality types:1). Repressed prudes who grew up in Lynchburg, Va, who now need to get out from under religious fundamentalists' war against common sense and healthy sex, and;
2). Narcissists who are so self-obsessed that they make Prince and
Madonna look like John the Baptist and the real Madonna.
For the former, this is indeed a liberating text. Run! -- don't walk -- to your nearest bookseller and buy this before it's too late! As you reach the unabashed pleasure of your first self-imposed orgasm, you will thank Betty Dodson, shouting "Free at last! Free at last! Thank God almighty, I'm free at last!"
For the latter, this is more of the fawning adulation and psychological reinforcement you've come to expect as your birthright, a daily affirmation for your right to love yourself above all others. It must be nice living life with nothing but mirrors around you, and Ms. Dodson fashions quite the looking glass with this book.
However, for those who don't need an authority figure to say it's "okay" to fondle ourselves, and for those who don't think this world revolves around ourselves, this book leaves some pretty slim pickins. And this is the main problem with the book.
I don't know about women: Their good looks and curvaceous figures may be adequate for self-arousal. But for any guy (who isn't a narcissist) who masturbates, we all know that masturbation is hardly an act of self *love.* More often than not, it's something we do when there's not a female companion available, or because we are fantasizing about some other woman (or women). That is to say, masturbation is more a form of altruistic devotion to the women of our dreams and fantasies than it is an act of self worship. Masturbation is thus not *self* love, but worship at the altar of Woman. If this reader had to rely on his own carnal being as a source for sexual inspiration and arousal, he'd *never* masturbate.
Fortunately, though, there's the pornography business. And there's
always the hope that the lover of our dreams will walk into our lives someday. Hence, masturbation, because that so seldom happens. C'est la vie.
To sum up: I agree with the crux of Ms. Dodson's argument, that
masturbation is healthy and natural. It is. However, I disagree that it should be *preferred* to sex with a loving partner. It's sort of like buying one of those fake Rolex watches from the guy standing on the street corner of 48th and Broadway. It satisfies our need to tell time, but falls far short of our need to bask in real opulence. Same with masturbation. There's no subsitute for the real thing.
On second thought, while I agree with Dodson that masturbation is
healthy and natural, I wish she would back off from all that liberal moral relativity talk about masturbation not being dirty and shameful; Please, don't take away our sinful pleasures, Betty! Sex is *always* more fun when it's dirty, just as drinking was more pleasureable during Prohibition, when it was illegal.
Book Review: one step for all self-loving kind
Summary: 5 Stars
I think "sex for one" has the resources for people like myself who are tired of pursuing relationships. masturbating is more of a gift than a curse, to others it's an act of indecency, opinions may very, but i find it rewarding and healthy.the book is a must for single men and women just seeking some tips on how to love themselves without having anyone else present. there were a few picures in the book i tore out that i didn't like,yet i still think the book is worth buying.there are many men who don't think masturbating is a good thing,this book will let those men know there is nothing wrong with it.the book also gives tips on how to touch yourself, how to reach a deeper orgasm as well as what to use(lubricants,oils,etc) and what is being taught to society about masturbation,and it even has a section where ms.dodson shares her letters from people who are pro-masturbation.this book has helped me mature sexually, and has liberated my mind.the author explains every detail of masturbating to both men and women and is deeply a fan of masturbation herself.where i stand on this book is this: masturbation is a our very first act of sexual intimacy.sex for one is basically about looking in the mirror and loving yourself self-loving is about loving yourself and not needing someone else to love you.MS.dodson deserves a big hug for letting us single people know it's okay to take time out to care for what's down there,peace!Book Review: For "frigid" girls who have considered celibacy ...
Summary: 5 Stars
... when coupling wasn't enough.Although I'd purchased this book a year ago, I didn't get around to reading it until a friend loaned me Dodson's "Selfloving" video about her group workshops with women. Dodson was such an effective speaker that I dug out the book just to get more of the inside story.
Those who call this a partial autobiography and a "why to" more than "how to" book are quite right -- for "how to," I'd suggest her video. However, like with other forms of sex, there can be a difference between getting off from masturbating and actually feeling like a worthwhile person during and afterwards. To my mind, that's what this book is about.
Some of Dodson's ideas are indeed still controversial: she suggests non-monogomy, to the point of extra-marital affairs, as potential help for sexual problems; she suggests that people talk to each other, even to their parents, about masturbation; the medically researched link between masturbation and meditation/creativity was news to me.
I don't think the era we live in will determine whether this book is still necessary -- I think it'll be whether anyone still reacts to it with wonder and relief.
Book Review: Mildly entertaining, but not helpful
Summary: 2 Stars
This book reads more like a autobiography then a self help book. Dodson spends most of her time talking about her life and her sexual awakening. While some of it is insightful, a lot of it comes very close to blathering stupidity and an odd kind of boastfulness.
The first chapters deal with her unsatisfactory sex life and her sexual encounters with her wonder lover. The art work is nice, but otherwise, it's skippable. She then goes on to her workshops and her spreading the news about masturbation. This part makes her sound like a loonie on a mission, but it's mildly entertaining.
The part that I bought this book for, the how to masturbate section, encompassed less then 20 pages and was vague, frustrating and unhelpful. Anyone, with a bit of thought, could have figured out most of these techniques.
Over all, honestly, it was a bit dull. If you have issues about your genitals, think that masturbation will make you blind, or just want a laugh over someone who likes to jerk off in group settings, buy this. If you want help with techniques, practical advice, or how to use toys, find another book.
Book Review: This book was not helpful at all.
Summary: 1 Stars
This author may have a degree, but she advocates pornography as something liberating. Having a degree in Women Studies myself, I know that a majority of those women that are photographed are being sexually exploited. Some are threatened with a gun. Others resort to drugs and alcohol to lower the inhibitions. These women are runaways from incestuous homes. They are an easy target for the pimps and tricks. Advocating porn is like applauding sexual explotation of many women. If they freely would have chosen to work in the porn industry, they would not organize against it afterwards. She says the nudes she used to draw are not porn. To the contrary, they look like something that might appear in Hustler. Read "Pornography: Men possessing women" by Andrea Dworkin and decide for yourselves. She could have expressed her knowledge in less pages. Based on my experience, masturbation is very energy draining. It isn't sinful, but it might not be good for everybody.