The Alphabet of Manliness
by Maddox
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Book Reviews of The Alphabet of Manliness
Book Review: An Unusual Alphabet...
Summary: 2 Stars
It takes a strong man to be able to make fun of himself and males who are bigger and stronger than he is. This is a comical and slightly silly example of someone's idea of manliness, despite the cover of a GI Joe figure fighting a King Kong look-alike. First, we had a 'Redneck Dictionary' which I reviewed previously; he was just silly because of the way he said things, not what he said. He slurred words together to make one, in a fairly ridiculous way. This writer, though, uses sarcasm along the vein of Mike Weiner (alias Savage) and tends to exaggerate like mu brother Cecil always did. His constant use of vulgarity defeats the whole purpose of the theme of this touted book on Maddox's web page. I could write a book, but can't use that kind of language or thesis (which only a person's opinion), it would never get publicized like this one. For each letter of the alphabet, these essays veer way off the subject, like maybe Johnny Knoxville did in 'Dukes of Hazzard,' and he often strays off the subject and starts prevaricating. He uses self importance along the vein of Howard Stern. But then, that's what a book review is all about -- opinions!
It appears as a comic book, as it is supposed to be funny. Wide margins with illustrations galore and charts with wide spacing. The cover is like a comic book. It apparently was written for men as they like to put down each other and see who can up the other. Manliness is a result of godliness. Deep voices and all. But some men are tougher and rougher than others; some are not as acceptable to the general public or as great an athlete as Sugar Ray Robinson or Cassius Clay. Now, they were men!
Book Review: Amazon reports that this book will be the only one not rated with stars.
Summary: 5 Stars
I have to be honest, here. I've read Maddox's website for years, and have long respected him for not giving in to the temptation to make money from his site with pop-ups, banners, etc. My sole purpose for having purchased this book was to support him financially for the years of entertainment he has provided millions for free.
Then the book arrived... While still in the box from Amazon, the woman that delivered it grew a full beard and back hair just in the time it took her to carry it to my doorstep. By the time I got to page three, my testicles had stretch marks. At this point, I was afraid, and would have put the book down except that I knew doing so would have instantly reduced me to a sniveling girly-boy. By the time I finished the book, I had grown 8 inches, and not taller.
I was once a computer programmer that spent my days in a cubicle. After reading the book, I walked into my place of work (I didn't even use the door, just walked through the brick wall) and smashed many faces and headbutted many a uterus, and am now the CEO of the company. I don't even work anymore. I just told them I was CEO, and nobody had enough testosterone to say otherwise.
This book will change your life. Merely looking at the book in person will cause hair growth in places you didn't know hair could grow. Actually opening it will saturate you with testosterone. It is not recommended that you allow your wife near the book, as the book itself will have its way with her.
This is my third copy I'm buying today. Every man in my family must have a copy, or I can no longer call them a man.
-Javin
Book Review: P is for Perfect.
Summary: 5 Stars
Remember the old Mortal Kombat games, where one could perfectly maul one's opponent and receive a "Flawless Victory"? That is how I envision Maddox standing over the smoking ruin that is the NY Times Bestseller list, laid waste by the ultimate precision that is his Alphabet of Manliness.
Maddox himself is well-known as an Internet legend, latter-day pirate, and scourge of poseurs. However, absolutely no familiarity with his online work or workings is required to appreciate the glory of this novel (although if you haven't seen his website, you should start there to build up the soul callouses needed to survive this book in the likely event that you are not nearly man - or woman - enough to handle it). This book stands in its own right as simultaneously parody, truth, and a ringing indictment of all things pathetic, tame, and child-proofed in our modern world. Indeed, I can only assume Maddox and his team of lumberjacks personally went out and killed the very trees whose flesh makes up this book.
As with all types of perfection, singing this book's praises is much easier than imagining what it is missing. I cannot think of a single thing. Everything from precise instructions on the proper drop-kick to the ring on Chuck Norris' finger to a depiction of beef jerky using a chaingun on vegetables is here for your consumption. What more could you want? Or, more importantly, what more could you possibly deserve? Nothing.
Buy the book. Roar in hilarity at its uncensored mayhem. At least if you don't like it, it'll give you something to do on your one-way flight back to France.
Book Review: THE masterpiece that will be remembered for centuries
Summary: 5 Stars
We need a serious book review here and here it is:
Maddox has always been a controversial figure. You either hate him or love him. "The alphabet of manliness," however, consistent with the usual Maddox style - witty satire and unique approach towards various topics, puts a stronger emphasis on the humor side which I believe is universally funny. The book covers such a wide range of topics that no matter who you are, how you feel about Maddox prior to reading the book, I assure you that you can always get a kick out of the book.
I have been Maddox's fan for years. After four hours of diligently studying the book, I am confident to say that this book is the best of Maddox's work I have ever read, which even includes his classic piece (children's artwork). I found myself gasping for air from time to time when I was reading the book because I simply laughed too hard.
In addition to the great verbal work from Maddox, his illustrators also did a fabulous job. Those illustrations in the book alone will lighten up your day and help you find why it is worth living in the world.
Lastly, let me just say this: You will never find any other book like this one since it is truly one of a kind. This is the book that people will remember for centuries. You can only have a grasp of this extraordinary wisdom and unique perspective of seeing our mundane world through Maddox's eyes. Do get a copy and you will not regret it.
Book Review: Momentous Literature Which Defines A Generation
Summary: 5 Stars
The Alphabet of Manliness is, without question, the most spectacular masterwork of writing produced in decades.
Prepare yourself for the magnum opus of an era. Contained within this incredible encyclopedia lies a compilation of what The Internet has done for language, culture, and humanity as a whole. With a single offering, Maddox has taken seat upon a throne of perfect wit and ingenuity never before seen in modern-day literature.
The world is awash with revolutionary change: Behold the one true Man called Maddox as he leads our charge astride a glorious steed known as The Alphabet of Manliness!
All are compelled to experience this monumental epic--failure to read The Alphabet of Manliness will not only be a tragically dire event of great personal loss for you, but also a defeat for the rest of us who must suffer your intolerable ignorance. It will destroy the false illusion of reality and perception that has enfolded your mind from birth, and rebuild it as an entirely new illusion.
The book's historical significance cannot be understated. Future civilizations will realize The Alphabet of Manliness in much the same way that we've come to know the works of Aristotle, Plato, and Homer. Come now, do you really have reservations about purchasing and reading this book? Please, do not be so thoughtless as to emasculate yourself in such a way.
Purchase The Alphabet of Manliness.