The Commitment: Love, Sex, Marriage, and My Family
by Dan Savage
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Book Summary Information
Author: Dan SavageEdition: Paperback
Audio: English (Unknown); English (Original Language); English (Published)
Published: 2006-09-26
ISBN: 0452287634
Number of pages: 304
Publisher: Plume
Book Reviews of The Commitment: Love, Sex, Marriage, and My Family
Book Review: Commitment
Summary: 5 Stars
The Commitment Love, Sex, Marriage and My Family
Dan Savage
This is a fun read on a serious subject of same sex marriage. Savage and his partner have been together many years and are raising a young boy. The subject of marriage comes up in the book in a wide variety of ways. Savage's mom is the strongest in favor of the two getting married. Savage wants to do it, but his boyfriend and their son say no. So, the book is how they processed this disagreement. I found myself lol (laughing out loud) and within a few pages found myself bawling. Savage has a great sense of finding the humor in everyday marriage life especially for parents raising a child.
Savage quotes the former (Thank God) Senator Santorum comparing same sex marriage to the terrorists who hijacked the airplanes and flew into the Twin Towers, Pentagon and in Pennsylvania. Savage points out that many gay folks were also the victims in this tragedy including Daniel Brandhorst and his partner Ronald Gamboa and their three-year-old son, David. They were the only family, who died in this tragedy.
Savage talks about his own Catholic family. He spoke of his grandmother, who wanted to go to medical school, but was discouraged because it just wasn't acceptable for women from a Catholic background to go to medical school. What was acceptable was for them was to get married and have as many babies as possible. It didn't matter how miserable it made them or whether they had the financial ability to raise the children. His grandmother starting drinking as the only way she knew to escape. He uses his grandparents as an example of a "successful" marriage. The marriage ended when his grandfather passed away. Had the couple gotten a divorce, it would not have been considered a successful marriage.
The institution of marriage is hard to define because marriage is whatever straight people say it is. With children or without. Until death do you part? Maybe. Obey? Only if you a Southern Baptist. It can be sacred or secular. The only thing we can say about marriage is that the couple has a license to be married. They don't have to be in love. They don't have to have sex. Therefore, it isn't that gay people are trying to redefine marriage. Straight folks are doing that for us to the point there is no logical reason to deny gay people the right to marry.
Savage tells the story of two women who asked the County Clerk for a marriage certificate. They said "no". Savage was there and said, " Can she and I get married? We wont live together. We wont have sex together. In fact, I will continue to have sex with my male partner. We don't love each other and won't be building a life together. Can we get married?" Of course, the answer was "yes". After all, we have to protect the institution of marriage. This marriage was a farce. A sham. However, perfectly legal.
He feels that many people presume that all heterosexual marriages are monogamous and that all gay marriages are not. When in fact neither is true. It is very clear that Savage does not believe in monogamy and outlines his rationale.
Savage feels that monogamy is a new concept. According to Savage, the rise of more and more couples engaging in monogamy has a significant relation to the rise of divorce. As conservatives want us to believe, monogamous marriage is a long traditional institution that has lasted for centuries. He points out that originally men weren't expected to be monogamous. Greeks and Romans felt adultery for women was wrong, but had no laws against men committing adultery. Jews had several wives, as did the Greeks. In Rome, men had several wives and prostitution was not a legal or moral issue. Savage also point out that today the divorce rates are highest in red states and lowest in blue states.
One example he gives is about a straight couple who married in early in life. Neither had sexual experience before marriage. One now wants a three way. Just by her bringing this up forced them to divorce. Since there is no room for non-monogamy and they cant have sexual adventures together, they divorce. When the marriage could have been saved.
He talks about the arguments that many on the religious right use to support their wild ideas. Pat Robertson said that the reason why the earthquake happened in San Fernando Valley some years ago is the porn industry. However not one porn star, director or producer died in this earthquake. God will strike again and kill more innocent bystanders, if we don't get rid of porn. God was also speaking when the Asian tsunami hit. God was saying he doesn't like same sex marriage. Savage says how do you ever reason with people like this?
They don't want gays to adopt children either. There may be thousands of children in foster day, who have been abandoned, abused or neglected by heterosexual parents, but gays are not fit to raise children.
The religious right believes that homosexuality is a choice. Gays can and should choose to change their orientation. All of sudden they believe in choice.
Savage and his partner discussed all this and all other arguments for and against them getting married in Canada. I wont give the ending, except to say that at a reception to celebrate their relationship there was fives times as many heterosexuals at this reception than gay folks. We have more support within straight society than we realize.
Summary of The Commitment: Love, Sex, Marriage, and My Family
Dan Savage?s mother wants him to get married. His boyfriend, Terry, says ?no thanks? because he doesn?t want to act like a straight person. Their six-year-old son DJ says his two dads aren?t ?allowed? to get married, but that he?d like to come to the reception and eat cake. Throw into the mix Dan?s straight siblings, whose varied choices form a microcosm of how Americans are approaching marriage these days, and you get a rollicking family memoir that will have everyone?gay or straight, right or left, single or married?howling with laughter and rethinking their notions of marriage and all it entails.
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