The Gift of Fear and Other Survival Signals that Protect Us From Violence
by Gavin de Becker
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Book Reviews of The Gift of Fear and Other Survival Signals that Protect Us From Violence
Book Review: Required Reading For Every Female Over 15
Summary: 5 Stars
I was told about this book ten years ago, and I have just now gotten around to reading it. What was MY reaction to the book? I immediately bought eight copies to give to friends and family!
Written in a captivating style, Gavin de Becker gives provides practical information through anecdotes, which makes the information easier to recall once the book has been laid aside.
Women tend to get into dangerous situations when they don't listen to the tiny internal voice which warns them of danger, or because they don't want to appear "rude". For example, when waiting alone for an elevator, what happens when the elevator door opens and there's only one person in the elevator -- a man whose appearance raises the hair on the back of the neck? Fearful of appearing "rude", many women will squelch the internal voice that says to wait for the next elevator, and they'll get into that soundproof metal box with the very person their body has warned them about. Even if the person turns out to be harmless, the woman spends the entire elevator ride queasy at the thought of what might happen during those shared few minutes.
Gavin de Becker examines the question of "WHY do we do what we do?" and "WHY do OTHERS do what THEY do?" An overly solicitious stranger who refuses to take "NO" for an answer, is not being as helpful as they portend to be. In that example, de Becker emphasizes that "No" is a complet sentence. No need to elaborate or explain. "No" means "NO".
What if the person isn't a stranger? The same advice applies. De Becker says that if a jumbo jet filled with passengers crashed into a mountainside, killing all aboard, and that happened month in and month out, it still wouldn't equal the number of women killed each year by husbands and boyfriends.
This book should be required reading for every female over the age of 15, and the chapter dealing with workplace violence should be required reading for everyone who works outside the home, whether or not they manage other people.
THE GIFT OF FEAR by Gavin de Becker is an excellent book. I'm just sorry that it took me ten years to start reading it.
The Gift of Fear and Other Survival Signals that Protect Us From Violence
Book Review: Intuition And Empowerment Conquer The Unknown
Summary: 5 Stars
Gavin de Becker has produced a landmark work in the dual fields of criminal psychology and self defense. I was recommended "The Gift of Fear" by a colleague with experience in law enforcement: he claimed it was the best overall book on self preservation and personal safety he had ever read, and while it is excellent for both sexes, it is especially valuable for women. I purchased the book for a female friend on his recommendation, and I read it as well. The book is detailed, personal, practical, and poignant.
The book extols the value of intuition (and resultant fear) as a predictor of potential violent or harmful behavior. Although my original intent in purchasing the book was a concern about violence from outsiders, the area of the book that I believe is most useful (especially to women) is violence from intimate partners. I found the sections on predicting violent behavior from people known to a victim to be the most harrowing yet most practical in the book. One thing that runs as a theme through the book (again, especially useful to women) is that controlling behavior in any relationship is an extremely serious warning. Although most controlling males don't become violent, the likelihood of violence from them is dramatically higher than in a healthy relationship; further, even if the scenarios don't escalate to violence, control issues can manifest themselves in a variety of other awful ways that are only touched on here.
In this book de Becker makes the case that intuition is actually reasoned, but it is a function performed so fast in our brains that we are unaware exactly why we have such feelings. I think the book argues persuasively that we ignore such warnings at our own risk and that while we may be more comfortable with reason and logic, intuition is an invaluable ally, as is genuine fear (which is altogether different from worry or anxiety.)
Although I bought this book for a very close friend for a very specific reason, I am going to purchase several more copies for other people I love and care about. Rarely do I recommend a self-help book unequivocally, but this is one of those times. Buy this book, read it yourself, and pass it along to people you love.
This is a fantastic book, and I wholeheartedly endorse it.
Book Review: The Gift of "The Gift of Fear"
Summary: 5 Stars
The book is not an easy one to read. The subject is real, the examples are deeply difficult, but the truth in it will, as they say, set you free. You'll find yourself growing stronger and stronger with each chapter. On the very last page, at the very last period, you'll close the book and realize that you are a completely different person than the one who began it.
I read The Gift of Fear in 1994 only because my friend gave me her copy. It's a book title, cover, and topic I would normally stay far from. But my friend is the calm and well-grounded type and had never before recommended a book to me. The offer seemed helpful, I gave it a chance, and it was.
Although more than a decade has passed since I read it, some very concrete examples remain with me, including:
1) You have amazing instincts when it comes to danger. Does a stranger say "I promise" in order to get you to do something? This inappropriate use of the phrase is an immediate trigger that something is wrong. Gavin will show you what your instincts are, why they are, and how they help.
2) There is a difference between fear that is the result of something likely and fear that is not. For instance, people who keep guns at home due to fear of break-ins are actually more likely to see family members shot. And people are less likely to fear more probable risks, such as automobiles and being obese.
3) Fear comes only when you've got time to think. Fear happens seconds, hours, or days later, but not during the moment of the incident itself, when you're instead powered by adrenaline, instinct, and intuition.
4) If you're a victim of physical violence, don't blame yourself. In some of the examples in the book, it's only because of the victim's actions that she survived at all. Instead, thank yourself for overcoming the situation and think about how you did it.
The book is filled with similarly compelling information, useful for any mature individual. So, if you're in mind to listen to a suggestion today—in what I hope is a calm and well-grounded way—I propose that you consider reading Gavin de Becker's powerful book, The Gift of Fear. And then pass it along to someone else.
Book Review: Personal Development and Personal Protection
Summary: 5 Stars
If you are an enthusiast of self-improvement in regards to corporate management, leadership skills at work or at home, the safety of your family and self, or knowledge of being able to predict, notice, and properly address problems within any of these facets of life, "The Gift of Fear" is worth it's weight in gold.
Gavin presents very easy concepts in this book that can enable any of us to be mindful of danger even if we aren't educated in such things. By "listening to yourself" you are just as educated if not more so than the professionals who use their education in predicting violence, not their own intuition.
Plenty of real-life experiences are shared with the reader as Gavin delves into the minds of violent, angry, and distraught. Minds that are not far from any of our own because, we are all human. This may rattle some by linking the minds of criminals with our own, but it is just the kind of rattle we need to know that we already instinctly know and can address potentially violent or dangerous behavior before it it too late.
Along with these experiences, Gavin has even more credibilty than your average intuition expert because he practices what he preaches. Gavin owns, manages, and contracts his own private security firm and Threat Assessment Management to clients who can afford such services. Another book that Gavin has co-authored, "Just 2 Seconds", goes into more detail about preventing attacks and his company. It is an asset to those security and protection professionals in that line of work and a tremendous resource for the general pubilc to see the effort and passion that Gavin has for his area of expertise.
Gavin has produced two insightful reads given to and for the benefit of all who wish to answer the "why" and "how" of intuition, self-development, and personal safety/security. Both titles have been informative and a great reference for this reader. I recommend and guarantee "The Gift of Fear" and any of Gavin's other novels will do a great service for all those who pick it up.
Book Review: Excellent advice for living in today's world
Summary: 4 Stars
'The Gift of Fear' was recommended to me and my husband at a restaurant recently. The person recommending it is a young man, a dear friend of our daughter and son-in-law. He recently returned from a tour of duty in the Middle East. His job was full of danger, so when he recommended this book as "good information because it reinforces survival instincts, especially when you're dealing with strangers", I ordered the book the next day from Amazon. It came a couple of days later.
When the book arrived, I noticed the full title: 'The Gift of Fear and Other Survival Signals that Protect Us from Violence'. The book is by Gavin De Becker, who is in the business of protecting others from harm. He knows what he's talking about.
I read the book in a couple of days. Chapter 4, Survival Signals, is worth the price of the book alone. There are seven signals that Mr. De Becker points out, in well-explained detail, that each of us should be aware of when dealing with strangers. They are: Forced Teaming, Charm and Niceness, Too Many Details, Typecasting, Loan Sharking, The Unsolicited Promise and Discounting the Word No. Each of these signals is a means to trust that little voice inside your head that tells you "No. Something is wrong." After you read this chapter, you'll understand why that little voice shouldn't be ignored.
Buy this book and read it, especially Chapter 4. It could save your life.
The rest of the book is well written and very interesting. I think Mr. De Becker's chapter on handguns seems a little shrill re: how many people are shot daily in this country, but I know I'd rather have my own weapon handy in case my loved ones are threatened or my home is invaded. With the ongoing Muslim problem in Europe, some Europeans may wish they had the means to protect themselves as we 'cowboys' do here in the USA. My opinion, for what it's worth.
By the way, our young friend at the restaurant read the book before going on his tour to the Middle East. He was glad he'd read it.