The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands
by Laura Schlessinger
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Book Summary Information
Author: Laura SchlessingerBrand: Harper Collins Publishers
Edition: Paperback
Audio: English (Unknown); English (Original Language); English (Published)
Published: 2006-09-26
ISBN: 0060520620
Number of pages: 208
Publisher: Harper Perennial
Book Reviews of The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands
Book Review: A Few Kernels of Wisdom and a Lot of Angry Ranting and Feminist Bashing
Summary: 2 Stars
As is generally the case, Dr. Laura directs her criticism/suggestions directly at her readers/listeners: "get your own act together and your life will fall into place." There is, of course, a lot of wisdom in this. Before making a laundry list of complaints about how other people are letting you down in your life, you probably should examine your own shortcomings. This can definitely help put things into perspective (i.e., "yes my husband is insensitive and aloof, but maybe my constantly criticizing him isn't helping"). Dr. Laura goes on to give some decent advice on how women can improve their marriages: be friendly and cheerful with your hubby rather than bitchy and resentful, don't let yourself go to pot (keep your weight down and dress nicely), don't withhold sex. Yes, your spouse will probably will be in a better mood if you are cheerful, look nice and eagerly welcome his sexual advances.
According to "the doctor" men are "simple creatures" (give them food and sex and they are happy), it's women who are chronically dissatisfied, constantly complaining and impossible to please. She claims that the situation is made worse by the feminists who are always telling women falsehoods like: "men oppress women," "women who are housewives are unhappy," "women should seek, and expect sexual equality with men."
Of course, Dr. Laura isn't very clear about who "these feminists" are and she talks about "women's magazines" as if they were the voice of "the feminists," even though most feminists would probably argue that magazines like Cosmo are more part of the problem than the solution. There are a lot of women who call themselves feminists and very few see eye to eye on all issues. However, I think most would agree that feminism is about giving women the opportunity to realize themselves in whatever capacity they choose. This can mean as a wife and mother, as a professional or as both. There may be feminists who look down on women who've chosen to be housewives, but there are at least just as many "feminist haters" who impugn women who have sacrificed motherhood in order to pursue dreams that were more important to them. What's the difference? Both are guilty of criticizing women who make choices different from their own in order to feel better about their own decisions.
Dr. Laura clearly errs is in her assertion that all women are happier being wives and stay-at-home moms and having a husband who provides for the family. If this were the case, why did the 1950's (the epitome of traditional family-life) bring on the feminist movement in the first place? Rather than becoming addicted to Valium or clamoring for more equality, why weren't women simply singing the praises of their wonderfully fulfilling domestic lives? I think the answer is clear: a lot of women were extremely bored and unfulfilled without the intellectual and social stimulation that a life outside the home can provide. Also, being economically dependent on another person puts you in a very vulnerable position if you are in a physically and/or emotionally abusive relationship. It is very true that women today who are juggling careers and family are feeling their own dissatisfactions: they are overworked and feel robbed of time with their families and they feel like the do a disproportionate share of the work in the home. However, I don't think the answer lies in sending ALL women back to the traditional role of housewife. At least now women have options. If they decide staying at home and caring for children is the #1 priority in their lives, or that they simply cannot "do it all," then everyone should respect their decision. If they prefer to juggle work and family or remain childless and free to pursue other ambitions, those are also decisions that should be respected. Life is complicated and there are no one-size-fits-all answers to life's most important choices. Dr. Laura tries to support her claim that ALL women REALLY WANT to be stay-at-home moms and cared for by a man with some study that "demonstrates" that partners in marriages that don't follow these traditional roles have higher rates of heart disease. Rubbish! You can always dig up some obsolete study to prove any argument you are trying to make. There are A LOT MORE studies that show that single women are happier than married women (I'm not saying this so, I'm just saying that such studies say nothing about whether or not YOU will be happy in any given situation).
Particularly offensive is what Dr. Laura says about sex. Essentially she argues that it is women's duty to provide their husbands with sex whenever they want it. I agree that discrepancies in desire can be a problem in a marriage and that women should not make a habit of casually dismissing their husbands' sexual attentions. However, there are "reasons" why many women are not as interested in sex as their husbands, the biggest one being that they are not getting the kind of sexual stimulation they need in the bedroom. But, "the doctor" makes no mention of this. She advices women to service their husbands and act like they are loving it ("men like to think that they are good lovers"). What about a little more communication? What about telling your partner what you like? What about some compromise? No, according to the Dr. Laura, sex is what you give your husband in exchange for his ultimate sacrifice: his marrying you. She even goes so far as to remind women that in some states we are legally obliged to do so (does she want to put women who don't behind bars?). I guess on this issue I am "idealistic": sex should be something that is mutually satisfying for both men and women.
Life is probably more complicated for the modern woman, but this does not mean that it is worse. In fact, I would argue that women have it better now than they have at any time in history. Turning back the clock to a "simpler time" may seem like an appealing solution to today's overworked and highly-stressed women, but I sincerely doubt that it would provide any lasting satisfaction in most women's lives. Women, as individuals, must decide for themselves what lifestyle is most gratifying. The path Dr. Laura suggests is only one of many that "can" lead to a healthy, rewarding life.
Summary of The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands
In her most provocative book yet, Dr. Laura urgently reminds women that to take proper care of their husbands is to ensure themselves the happiness and satisfaction they yearn for in marriage.
Women want to be in love, get married, and live happily ever after. Yet disrespect for men and disregard for the value, feelings, and needs of husbands has fast become the standard for male-female relations in America. Those two attitudes clash in unfortunate ways to create struggle and strife in what could be a beautiful relationship.
Countless women call Dr. Laura, unhappy in their marriages and seemingly at a loss to understand the incredible power they have over their men to create the kind of home life they yearn for. Now, in The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, Dr. Laura shows you?with real-life examples and real-life solutions?how to wield that power to attain all the sexual pleasure, intimacy, love, joy, and peace you want in your life.
Dr. Laura's simple principles have changed the lives of millions. Now they can change yours.
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