The Sociopath Next Door
by Martha Stout
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Book Reviews of The Sociopath Next Door
Book Review: Not really about sociopaths
Summary: 1 Stars
I wanted so much to like this book, having thoroughly enjoyed Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us. Unfortunately, I found it to be a confusing, and confused, mishmash of anti-Western moralizing with a few composite characters and clinical terms thrown into the mix. The frequency with which Dr. Stout referred to individualism as a core cause of sociopathy was disturbing, considering that the Milgram experiments (and real life examples, such as the Jim Jones tragedy) showed clearly that people who lack individualism are in fact most likely to be controlled by a sociopath in authority.
Her insistence that Eastern cultures are curiously immune to the plague of sociopathy was bizarre and unfounded; history is rife with examples of humans doing the most horrible things to each other, in every culture across the world. Stout's thesis seemed to be based not on any real evidence, but her own anti-Western, anti-European prejudices.
I found the entire book to be laced with similarly inappropriate or inaccurate assertions. Her equation of a religious movement that has racialist beliefs with sociopathy was so ridiculous that it was nearly impossible to take her seriously from that point on. Having unpopular beliefs, even hateful ones, does not make someone a sociopath. Stout's attempts to pigeonhole her ideological enemies as sociopathic would be amusing if it weren't so horribly irresponsible.
In short, this book may entertain people who want to get a cheap thrill out of imagining that the racist guy down the street or the wacky lady at work who stares too much must be sociopaths. It will not teach anyone what truly makes or drives a sociopath, nor will it give the reader any idea of how to cope with the devastation that sociopaths invariably leave in their wake. Those who want a serious, scholarly look at the disorder will be well served by sticking with Robert Hare.
Book Review: Yes, I have known a few...
Summary: 4 Stars
I am going to buy this book for a few of my friends and family members. I think it will make them feel better-- like they are NOT crazy, and in fact ARE perhaps dealing with a sociopath.
This book is not too long a read (I read it in a weekend). But it is full of information about this little understood disorder, and will get the reader thinking for sure. If 4% of the population falls into this shadow disorder, then all of us have known at least one! Sometimes we just can't put our finger on what it is about that person... Because they blend in, for the most part, and only give themselves away if you are really paying attention. I liked what the doctor says about why it is that they can hide so easily among us-- because good people with conscience, can hardly beleive that a human being can NOT have a conscience, and they can't really wrap their heads around what that even means! So we think there must be another reason, some excuse, for why a sociopathic person behaves the way they do, or gives us the creeps. When I was working as a social worker, I think I saw this a lot. Victims of people with no conscience or guilt making excuses for the abuser, or not believing they did the crime... I think this is one of the reasons people don't realize how often child abuse is happening-- because good people just cannot believe it! WHO would "do that" to a child, after all? Not anyone we know, for sure...right?
Wrong. This book makes it clear that people like this are much more common, and much more damaged, than we may like to think. But MOST of them are not killers, or blood-thirsty. They just experience no emotional connection or obligation to other people. And so they can hurt you, use you, and play games with your life, just to feel powerful or "on top". They come in all types, just like anybody. Only more dangerous.
I found the chapter on the science and brain imaging sooo interesting. And the last chapter asking larger, esoteric and spiritual questions important.
All in all, fascinating and wise. ;)
Book Review: 1 in 25 chance
Summary: 3 Stars
I read a book recently that my mother recommended called, "The Sociopath Next Door" by Martha Stout. Why my mother is reading about sociopaths is beyond me!
The definition in the book of sociopath is someone with no conscience and it goes on to site some appalling statistics like one in 25 people are sociopaths.
The chilling part about sociopaths is how do you deal with someone who has no consience because they will not act at all similar to what you would expect.
One short exerpt from the book is, "Good people question themselves constantly, reflexively, and subject their decisions and actions to the exacting scrutiny of an intervening sense of obligation rooted in their attachments to other people. The self-questioning of conscience seldom admits absolute certainty into the mind, and even when it does, certainty feels treacherous to us, as if it may trick us into punishing someone unjustly, or performing some other unconscionable act."
One short story from the book was, "A wise woman who was traveling in the mountains found a precious stone in a stream. The next day she met another traveler who was hungry, and the wise woman opened her bag to share her food. The hungry traveler saw the precious stone and asked the woman to give it to him. She did so without hesitation.
The traveler left, rejoicing in his good fortune. He knew the stone was worth enough to give him security for a lifetime. But a few days later he came back to return the stone to the wise woman.
"I've been thinking," he said, "I know how valuable the stone is, but I give it back in the hope that you can give me something even more precious. Give me what you have within you that enabled you to give me the stone."
Although the book was excellent and challenging and talked a lot about you can deal with the damage that sociopaths have caused, it did not explain how to deal with sociopaths or what sociopaths should do to gain a conscience.
Book Review: Scientifically Shaky
Summary: 3 Stars
A family member recommended this book to me, convinced it was the infallible microscope into sociopathic behavior. The premise intrigued me, so I picked up a copy from the library, hoping for insight and scientific documentation.
The author speaks from her personal experience in the counseling office, issuing warnings to the general population to be aware of the 4% who fit her definition of a sociopath--those with no conscience, no valuation of right and wrong. The books moves quickly, an easy read, and the author does provide insight, detailing a number of stories from her own counseling and from other sources. However, she fails to provide a lot of documentation. She lists seven known traits of a sociopath, and explains that someone with even three of these traits is a possible candidate, but that is a broad statement when some of the traits include "impulsiveness," "aggressiveness," and such. The author makes it clear that even trained psychologists can be duped by a sociopath, but gives us just enough surface information to feel we could diagnose this condition ourselves. And this is where I feel my relative got carried away, pronouncing a number of her former relationship partners as "sociopaths."
As the book moves along, it becomes more focused on the question of where the conscience originates and why it is present in all cultures. It is a biological conundrum, and the book evaluates it from a Darwinian, Freudian, and even religious perspective. In conclusion, the author decides that conscience is based in love and relationship, and that this bond allows those with moral restraints to eventually succeed over those without. From an emotional standpoint, the book resonated with me. From an intellectual standpoint, it built a lot of its premises on shaky foundations. It's an interesting read, and I recommend it, as long as it's read as one person's informed opinion instead of as a scientific and well-documented treatise.
Book Review: One of my favorite books
Summary: 5 Stars
As a psychotherapist, I have to say that this book was very helpful to me in understanding the sociopathic mind. The blend of research and narrative helped to make this book both informational and interesting. In mental health, we occasionally receive someone in our clinic whose problems indicate that they may have a problem with caring about others. These people may end up with a diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder or (if kids) oppositional defiant disorder. Really though, there is only one diagnosis that represents a true sociopath: antisocial personality disorder (a common precursor in kids is conduct disorder). In truth, it is very rare to even see a sociopath walk through our door. That's because they not only don't see themselves as having a problem, but they are deeply afraid (down deep) of being powerless.
As defined by Stout, a sociopath is a person who lacks the ability to feel an intervening sense of responsibility for others that's rooted in emotional attachment (otherwise known as "conscience"). This often is associated with an endless, often futile need to dominate, resulting in substantial life disruption and eventual deterioration.
Instead of trying to describe every single thing I liked about this book, I think it will be more helpful to give a general overview. Though the title of the book was chosen to attract attention and (maybe) fear, the book is not fear-provoking. Yet, neither is it one of those books devoid of a human voice. This is an excellent book that both helps to clearly explain and define a sociopath, as well as deliver a beautiful portrayal of the purpose and intent of conscience. I didn't agree perfectly with her ideology, but feel she got the basic essence right.
The book ends in a spiritual (though not religious) note, encouraging people to collaborate and communicate in order to avoid these "lone wolves" of society.