The Sociopath Next Door
by Martha Stout
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Book Reviews of The Sociopath Next Door
Book Review: A mixed bag
Summary: 3 Stars
This book is really a mixed bag. In the plus column, the author's anecdotes and statistics are tremendously useful when it comes to identifying these people in your life. She explains that the overwhelming majority of sociopaths are NOT Ted Bundy serial killer types, just extremely successful parasites, uncannily adept at seeking out the vulnerable, or at disabling common sense in others. She explains that they can be very difficult to identify, but notes that if she had to pick one consistent warning sign, it would be that they play the victim card very early, hoping to stir up sympathy and compassion. The author also advises us not to engage sociopaths or to think that we can beat them at their own game. By definition, they lack the conscience that may inhibit the behavior of non-sociopaths.
The problems with the book: the author keeps scratching the surface, chapter after chapter, and I found myself wishing she would have gone just a bit more in-depth, instead of simply relating anecdotes. As another reviewer mentioned, she also criticizes the military, and the West as a breeding ground for sociopaths, in comparison to the East. One wonders if she ever heard of Mao, Pol Pot, etc. I don't recall seeing any scientific support for these broad-based assertions, and she would have been better served to leave her political and social biases out of this book, and kept her eyes on the ball.
Book Review: Now I see the light as to why two family members and one ex girlfriend were so heartless !
Summary: 5 Stars
Amazing and powerful book.
This book is all the more gripping, if you have, like myself, had a sociopath right smack in your own family. I now see how one of my 14 cousins who now about 60 years old and has never held a steady job, (the rest of my cousins are good, non sociopathic people, I might add) and who happens to be a Class A swindler, is also a hard core sociopath.
I now have some insight as to why one of my ex girlfriends whom I met on the Personals (I no longer do them, I might add) whom I was involved with in an on again /off again relationship for 4 years had been married and divorced 4 times, and how naive I had been to believe her constant stream of lies and deceptions.
Needless to say, thanks to Dr. Martha Stout, I have had the equivalent of 20 visits to one of America's best psychologists (and for a price of less than 15 dollars..!), and I have, at her urging (and she might have well as talked to me personally) cut all sociopaths such as these people out of my life. And I have achieved a great sense of empowerment and liberation.
As a (sin and repent) Christian, I do pray for these people, and other like them, but, thanks to Dr. Stout, I realize that since there is basically no way I can change them and their sociopathic ways, then the only viable thing for me to do is to cut them off.
Book Review: Very Instructive
Summary: 5 Stars
I found the book to be a good aid in identifying sociopaths and understanding what makes them tick. Such people can cause an inordinate amount of problems in your life, and it can be difficult to deal with them unless you know how they are fundamentally different than those with a conscience and ability to experience empathy. Looking back on my life, problems in my personal life and career quite often stemmed from people with no real sense of conscience or empathy.
If you care about your children at all, once they get to an early teen age, I would recommend you have them read this book. It could literally save them from tremendous hardship.
The criticisms against the book are probably somewhat valid, in that they point out the book is simple in its approach and proof. But it is also its strength, as it gives one a good simple set of tests to identify people that can very very dangerous indeed. As for this book being moralistic, well... if one has certain expectations for behavior, and they unwittingly let people into their lives who have no intention of living up to those expectations, that is a serious problem. We should all be allowed to decide who we spend our limited time with, and this book is a good guide for those who want to spend it with those that care about them...and avoid those that inherently cannot.
Book Review: Aliens in our midst
Summary: 4 Stars
Martha Stout's frightening exposé of the presence of a huge population of humans without conscience is an eye-opener. For those of us governed by concern for others, for social norms, for the larger community, the idea that 4 percent of our fellow humans care not a whit is, at first, boggling. Then, as it sinks in, it makes perfect sense.
How often do we ask ourselves, "How can he/she stand to look in the mirror each morning?" And here's the answer, "Sociopathy is quite common, and the sociopath has no remorse."
As with any book on abnormal psychology, this one will leave you second-guessing about many of the perps who have wronged you in the past (I found three and one "probably" in my backward look) and it will give you tools to protect yourself in the future. Until one is aware of the high likelihood of being hurt by these smooth-talking, charming, responsibility-shirking robots amongst us, one is easy prey. In the end, too, one can only feel some sadness for those who will never experience either love or the pangs of heartbreak and the upwelling of joy when doing for others.
At one point in the book, Stout asks the reader, "What would you do tomorrow if you had no conscience, no sense of accountability to others?"
I thought for a moment and realized, "I would find a way to get it back!"
Book Review: Don't be fooled by sociopaths
Summary: 5 Stars
Stout's book tries to help the reader to identify the sociopath in their midst: the person who might seem charming or exciting, but is actually without a conscience and will hurt you without remorse. While she gives numerous signs, one of the major (and most surprising) tip-offs is that the person will be looking for pity. While a sociopath obviously can't feel pity for anyone, he can and will use your own emotions against you.
For me, by far the most interesting, and most useful, part of this book were the examples of sociopaths that Stout gave. There is "Super Skip" the most obvious sociopath stereotype after the serial killer: a guy who is so charming and ruthless that he quickly climbs his way up the corporate ladder. But there are also other stories of sociopathic characters--some of whom are examples from the stories of Stout's clients--who are not the sort you typically think of when you think of "sociopath." There is Doreen Littlefield, a psychologist who undermines a patient's mental health due to petty jealousy, Luke, who gets married to a woman for her pool, and Hanna's father, who on the surface seems like the model citizen, husband and father.
Stout also looks at why people are sociopaths (disturbingly, there is still not yet a clear answer) and why, ultimately, a conscience is important.