The Way of the Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work, and Sexual Desire
by David Deida
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Book Reviews of The Way of the Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work, and Sexual Desire
Book Review: Mythopoetic fantasies of an overgrown boy?
Summary: 2 Stars
Someone else called this book "The Way of the Self-Centered Man" and I could not agree more.
Deida is focused on male fulfillment in a context where the man is the center of the universe. He has the arrogance to attribute certain human qualities, such as having a mission in life, as "male," and others, such as "the quest for love" as female. He misses entirely that these, to the extent they are even true, are byproducts of patriarchy, where men control resources and women are forced to seek connection with men to survive. They are both fallacies as we have learned in our modern age. Why can't Deida move on?
I am most offended by the fact I saw no discussion in the book that a "superior" man in a position of power holds any responsibility for the consequences of his behavior on the powerless; this is especially poignant in the context of children who are neglected or abused by fathers. And no wonder our political system is so corrupt.
Deida reminds me of a cheesy yoga instructor who hits on women in the class who lack mature development themselves and who wraps this is in a guise that he is "servicing" them.
I don't think he knows what an adult passionate relationship is.
Better readings on this subject include, "How Do I Get Through To You" by Terry Real, and "Passionate Marriage" by David Snarch. Any of Michael Kimmel's books are also excellent.
Book Review: Changed my life--if only I had discovered it years earlier.
Summary: 5 Stars
This book has given me invaluable insight into what I had done wrong in past relationships.
Just to give an example, in the past, when my girlfriend at the time used to complain to me about her life situation and her job predicament, my first reaction was always to offer her advice as to the best way I saw for her to overcome the obstacles she was dealing with. Curiously, that would just make her more stressed and annoyed. I could not figure out what I was doing wrong--after all, that was the same thing I did when my guy friends told me about their problems. Didn't she want help solving her problems? Why was my advice making her angry?
Years later, after a particularly sharp friend of mine recommended this book, I had a revelation when discovering, thanks to this book's advice, that when women confess their problems to you, they don't actually want you to offer advice like your guy friends do--they just want you to shut up and LISTEN. Applying what I had learned to my current girlfriend, it was almost like I had uncovered the ultimate secret to a successful relationship. The difference in her reaction was like night and day.
Anyway, this is one of three books that were recommended to me that basically changed my life for the better. The other two are The Red Queen, which is about evolutionary psychology, and Mystery Method. To these three books I am forever indebted.
Book Review: does the PBS alpha-male exist?
Summary: 3 Stars
When I first got interested in weight lifting in high school, my mother told me that girls didn't like men who looked muscular. Luckily, I was in it as much for sports as anything and ignored her. During my peak period of working out (and even to some extent today), I got a lot of groping and stroking from women that other men in the same settings weren't getting.
So what's the point of this? What women are actually like and what they tell themselves they are like are not always the same. This is not a very PC perspective, but love and sex do not conform to our own personal or political philosophies. I figured this out before getting David Deida's book, and frankly the anti-PC attitude of the book attracted me to it despite the fact that David Deida seems to be a sort of Dr. Phil meets Baba Roshi character. I can't quite agree with the reviewer who said he is embarassed to have it in his house, but I would keep it in an out-of-the-way place.
As to the actual content of the book, some of it could be very good for you if you haven't figured it out yet, while some of it seems like mumbo-jumbo. On general themes like male-female relations and masculine self-control, he seems right on target. Other points, though, like absorbing promiscuous lust, circulating it throughout your body by deep breathing and then projecting back into the world as love just seem hokey.
Book Review: one of the most profound books I've ever read
Summary: 5 Stars
I can appreciate all these "be a man" pickup/seduction books and think they all have something to offer but this one takes things way beyond what most books of this genre attempt to do. It's not actually a book about picking up women although going through it and really putting everything said here into place within your life will give you that result. This book is more about being a man on all levels, including spiritually and emotionally.
I actually heard about this book from a female who was completely turned on by the thought of a man acting in the way that the author describes. Once I started making some the changes which the author suggests, I found out she was not the only one.
This book is not for everybody. You have to have a good understanding of personal development and really be willing to look at all the things we, as men, have been taught by various social groups of society, such as our religious institutions, schools, or whomever else. Some of it may be a little shocking. I suggest you try it for yourself to see what your level of comfort is and how it works for you.
This book doesn't teach you how to be a jerk, although I am sure many men take it that way. It's also not an excuse for you to act like a jerk. I think a better explanation of this book would be that it teaches you to own your masculinity, good and bad.
Book Review: A review from the heart
Summary: 4 Stars
Deida's thesis lies in the concept of polarity - in short "opposites attract." This is something that has been expounded upon in Taoist and Zen Buddhist philosophy - the concept of the yin and yang - two opposing forces, both necessary for the balance of the physical world, sociologically in the political and social sense, and spiritually within oneself. For Deida, in order for balance in sexual matters, there must be both masculinity and femininity. "Feminine" attributes are a desire for love, desire to nurture, along with a sexual attraction to dominance. "Masculine" attributes are desire to live "on the edge" and to accomplish a "mission" for freedom, along with a sexual attraction to submission. It must be noted here that Deida's distinctions between masculinity and femininity are more arbitrary than logical. He asserts that 90% of the population falls into either the masculine or feminine category, with the remaining 10% more balanced between the two, who couldn't care less about sexual polarity (and whom, unfortunately, Deida equates with "androgyny" - a potentially insulting and inaccurate connotation). For those 90% though, in order to sustain a truly satisfying sexual relationship, one partner must embody the "masculine", and the other must embody the "feminine."
In short, this is a good read. Not five stars, but good.