The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family
by Eleanor Payson
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Book Summary Information
Author: Eleanor PaysonEdition: Paperback
Audio: English (Unknown); English (Original Language); English (Published)
Published: 2002-10-01
ISBN: 0972072837
Number of pages: 187
Publisher: Julian Day Publications
Book Reviews of The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family
Book Review: Impostors of our Time
Summary: 5 Stars
If you have been struggling with any relationship that is best described as one way, that also confuses the hell out of you, this book will mercifully help you clear up some of your confusion. I think narcissism is rampant in our achievement oriented society and while it lives in all of us to some degree, the destructive narcissist can seriously challenge one's core values of honesty, hope and kindness.
Although narcissism has a reputation of being a stubborn personality disorder that is difficult to overcome, the author is not all doom and gloom, acknowledges that narcissists are humans who do have the capacity for self awareness and growth, and even paints a hopeful picture for the narcissist who becomes able to see a benefit from working to understand and give up their charade. I always retain hope that miracles do happen.
Yet, if you are involved with a difficult narcissist, you are probably the one reading this book, not them. For sure, don't wait around thinking s/he will suddenly "get it, " cause that is highly unlikely; it's hard for them because they do their best to avoid true self awareness. Payson offers some strategies for those married to the narcissist, who are not willing to settle for relationship-lite, or worse. But, after reading this, you will have an understanding of the magnitude of the work needing to be done by the narcissist who manages to become aware s/he would benefit from confronting their self absorption and learning to have honest, reciprocal relationships. You will also see that you need to take a hard look at yourself and the part you bring to the dynamic.
One of the main points of her book is that you need to focus on you...you need to arm yourself with understanding and protective techniques that defuse the chaos and the destructive impact of the narcissists' worst actions. Additionally, If you chose this person as a friend, lover or spouse, you may have even become somewhat abusive to them in return. It is helpful to understand why you got and /or choose to stay involved with them. And, yes the dreaded co-d word comes up here, with the added info of why a narcissist might be drawn to you and you to them. This book will help you come to understand all this, and also that the defenses many of us bring to relationships are part of the whole problem.
The author does call narcissists the impostors of our time with good reason. They are very busy avoiding themselves and often present shallow, conflicting and difficult behavioral traits in an effort to cope. This makes it confusing and frustrating as you try to really "know" them or work out anything interpersonal with them. Scott Peck, in his book People of the Lie, says that "We become evil by attempting to hide from ourselves." I agree but have a bit of trouble with his choice of the word evil as I certainly find myself having some empathy for anyone close to having a full blown NPD as described by Payson; they are suffering. In the best case scenario you can both grow and benefit from working with the painful issues presented.
But the trouble with narcissists is they can often pull you into their negative world of pain, struggle, and avoidance. You may find yourself so discouraged or demoralized that you start to stray from your own truth and kindness, thus becoming more like them. In the end you can either avoid the person altogether, or try to understand and defuse their negative impact and remain hopeful, open and empathetic. Payson addresses all this, as well as the narcissist's most bewildering hurtful behaviors, with examples that will likely leave you nodding your head in recognition and validation of your difficult experiences with them. You will see that it must be up to you to decide what their capacity is for growth in the relationship, and how much hurt you are willing to put up with.
If you need to be involved with a difficult narcissist your best goal is to stay 100% aware of knowing and loving your personal commitment to kindness, honesty, truth and the courage of self awareness and growth, as a way to diminish their influence. And always do your best and hope for the best; nobody ever said life was supposed to be easy. The amazing thing is that no matter who we come in contact with, we do have the ability and capacity to make things better, every minute of every day, by our attitude and our choices of thoughts and actions. This book will help you gain clarity and insight. Best of luck to anyone working on this.
More The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family reviews:
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Summary of The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family
Every day headlines are filled with examples of narcissistic individuals in positions of power who are nothing more than impostors plundering and wrecking havoc on the lives of others. From the financial barons of Wall Street to our elected officials in government, we are confronted daily with narcissists and the self-serving systems that enable them. Helping people reclaim their lives from this sinister exploitative force is the mission behind Payson's book, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family. Using simple metaphors from the American classic, The Wizard of Oz, Payson illustrates how Dorothy's journey captures all the seductive illusions and challenges that occur when we encounter the narcissist. Empowering the reader with the ABCs of unhealthy narcissism and the unique problems that occur when a person becomes involved with the narcissist, Payson gives step-by-step practical tools to identify, protect, and heal from these destructive relationships. Largely un-addressed in the psychology and self-help literature, this ground breaking book offers hope and help to those who have been drawn into these devastating relationships. She includes illuminating case studies that identify the problems that occur in the different types of relationships, from co-workers, to friends, to parents, to lovers. Readers employing these insights and skills will find new abilities to identify and protect against the narcissist's manipulations and take back control of their lives.Abuse Books
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