Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
by Lundy Bancroft
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Book Summary Information
Author: Lundy BancroftEdition: Paperback
Audio: English (Original Language); English (Unknown); English (Published)
Published: 2003-09-02
ISBN: 0425191656
Number of pages: 432
Publisher: Berkley Trade
Book Reviews of Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
Book Review: Great
Summary: 5 Stars
I've read the following books: Don't Say That to Me, Emotional Black Mail, The Emotionally Abusive Relationship, the Verbally Abusive Relationship, Stop Walking on Egg Shells, Emotional Vampires, The Gaslight Effect, The Disease to Please. All read in hopes that I could find the cure to make my relationship better. I really wanted to see a therapist, but I couldn't afford it at the time. I would like to add here that If you are looking at the list of books above or Lundy's book, I recommend finding a way to see a therapist. I think that the reality of my situation only sunk in when I heard it from a therapist, that I was being controlled and emotionally abused. My emotional abuse was so bad, that I really questioned my reality, and sometimes wondered if I made the whole situation up ---- and even when I was reading Lundy's book, and could identify with so many of the situations, I still doubted my situation. If having a therapist support me while reading the book was worth every penny. I wish I would've just done it earlier. If you do see a therapist, make sure you see a therapist that specializes in abuse though, I think it really made a difference in my life.
I digress....
I read all of the books listed above in hopes that I could learn some "magic" tactic that would disarm my boyfriend from treating me the way he does. As Lundy stated, I thought that I could change to make him stop, and that the problem was me, not him. I really wanted it to be as easy as changing the manner in which I communicated. I believed that it was my fault for being insensitive to his past, and that I should work on myself, and figure out a way to make it better. My nightstand was covered in self-help books, and I still didn't have a magic solution. - Reality Check - After reading Lundy's book, I realize that you can't change a person's values by changing your communication style. It just doesn't work. There were a number of people here who did not like the book because there was not enough emphasis placed on a possible solution. I think that there is a just reason behind that, there is no simple solution on fixing abuse.
This book really helped me, I can't recommend it enough.
Summary of Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
"He doesn't mean to hurt me-he just loses control.""He can be sweet and gentle."
"He's scared me a few times, but he never hurts the children-he's a great father."
"He's had a really hard life..."
Women in abusive relationships tell themselves these things every day. Now they can see inside the minds of angry and controlling men-and change their own lives. In this groundbreaking book, a counselor shows how to improve, survive, or leave an abusive relationship, with:
? The early warning signs
? Nine abusive personality types
? How to tell if an abuser can change, is changing, or ever will
? The role of drugs and alcohol
? What can be fixed, and what can't
? How to leave a relationship safely
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